


Now I've Got A Bellyache

by bxckyslxt



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aw man I can't have shit in this house, Bisexual Sam Wilson, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bisexual Tony Stark, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Eventual Smut, Everyone is a bit gay, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Gay Bruce Banner, Gay Bucky Barnes, Gay Natasha Romanov, Gay Thor Odinson, Heavy Themes, Incidents involving the police, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, Non-Serum Steve Rogers/Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes | Shrinkyclinks, Past Abuse, Recreational Drug Use, Sarah Roger's irish accent, Slow Burn, Smoking, Some Fluff, Some Humor, Steve was raised catholic, Stevebucky still have parents, Tattoos instead of a bionic arm, Teenage crime, Underage Drinking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, anger issues, no beta we die like men, these fucking idiots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2020-12-23 13:22:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 41,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21081602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bxckyslxt/pseuds/bxckyslxt
Summary: Bucky Barnes' a teenage delinquent, in and out of youth centres for the life of him. His school decides to put him in a special program to try and ease his reckless behaviour.Steve Rogers is a well mannered, goody-two-shoes who's also a spitfire. He's the example setter at Midtown High School - the favourite. But when he's suddenly asked to coach a outlaw in a special behavioural program, he's biting off more than he can chew.





	1. Sitting all alone, mouth full of gum in the driveway

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, to clear some stuff up! Bucky is 18 and Steve is 17. However, the age of consent in Brooklyn (where this fic is set) is 17 so everything is legal between stevebucky and that it’s not underage sex or statutory rape. Steve does also verbally consent. Throughout the fic, there’s kinda big time jumps but never more than a few months. It’s just to keep the story going and make sense :). There’s also heavy themes in this, the characters in this deal with some heavy shit and if you’re also dealing with them, please remember there’s always someone who’s there to help and that you’re never alone. There’s not massive detail on the drug usage and the effects of it, so keep that in mind but it’s still there and I am in no way suggesting that you should take drugs. It ruins lives so please be careful! I’m also sorry if I get anything wrong and please feel free to correct me in the comments. Alright, now that that’s all cleared up, on with the story! Enjoy!

The interrogation room clock ticks away at Bucky's skull. He's punching out the minutes until he's free to go. His mom is supposed to be picking him up since she sold his car; a punishment for the first time he was here. Maybe he'll steal a motorbike tomorrow, make things a little easier?

He needs to stop, if he's honest. The ever-growing list of criminal offences are piling high and each prosecution takes it's own stab at his future. If he doesn't reign in his behaviour quick, it'll be prison time on and off like a lover you just can't quit. Bucky's gotta cut the shit, and fast.

A tall, dark man saunters into the room, his eye patched and scared. His face reeked intimidation and Bucky felt his jaw clench and stomach turn in fear. Cowardice, really.

"Little birdie told me you were the big guy around here. They see your face more than they see their kids'," His speech is sharp and to the point. There's no mincing his words, just blunt jabs at Bucky's delinquency. "Your a good kid James, you had impeccable grades and exemplary attendance before you kicked it all to the curb,"

"Yeah, and what about it?"

"It'll get straight to it, you're fucking up your life-" That sets off alarm bells in Bucky's head. He's heard that sentence too many times before - it's all people ever say to him anymore. That he's a fuck up, a screw up, a waste of fucking time and space.

He's James Buchanan Barnes: the worst of the worst, at least in his mind.

"You think I dn't know this shit?" Bucky slammed his hands against the metallic surface, punctuating his point. "EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. WHO SEES ME HERE, SAME OL' STORY: 'you're ruining your life'. WELL, MAYBE I DON'T GIVE A SHIT"  
Bucky's breathing laboured, his chest rising and falling from built up guilt and tension. He's gotta control this...

"I know, but I'm here to offer you help, not judgement,"

"Really?" Bucky's surprise was understandable. His posture became deflated and slack. For the longest time, people were afraid of even glancing his way - fearful of the consequences that may see through.

"Look, I know deep down, you're a good kid. You just need a kick in the ass; you'll be fine," The man replied. He seemed sincere and honest, like he was really going to help Bucky.

A knock at the door turned both heads the full 90. An officer was waiting with Bucky's mom, he was going home.

"You'll be put on a special program with a behavioural mentor. It’ll last until the end of this academic year and then you can graduate. If it all goes to plan, you can graduate with a 3.0 GPA, max which is decent. Your behavioural mentor's a good guy, trust me. I'll see you at school, monday." The dark man added, drawing Bucky's attention to him.

Bucky nodded his head, curt and obedient. He was going to try, for his mom and dad's sake. Maybe also for his sisters, Becca loved to flaunt her great behaviour in comparison to the only son of the Barnes family.

He was gonna prove them wrong, from Emily to Rebecca to Lilith. He wanted them to be proud of him, for once.

"Time to go kid," The officer escorted all three of them out of the building and to their owned vehicles. "Give this a shot for me, Buck? You've got the heart, do us all here proud."

"I'll give it my best shot, Sir,"

"You fucking better. I don't wanna see your face here for awhile, got that?"

Bucky chuckled, he knew Officer Coulson well and trusted his judgement. After all, he was the one who made sure Bucky didn't break out or down to hard. He was there to catch him when he fell; as he had many times before. He was more of a father figure than his actual father, not that he saw his father all that often to even give him a chance.

"Loud and clear Sir,"

"Good, now get outta here punk," A warm smile graced both faces. Bucky was gonna give this a shot.

The drive home was quiet, awkward even. He hadn't seen his mother much during his time at the youth detention centre, she barely uttered a word the whole ride home. I guess you could say she was worried for her wayward son. Winifred Barnes was a complex woman, so mother like son. She cared for Bucky but had a hard time expressing that deep feeling of care and love. Half the time, Bucky didn't know if she actually loved him, but that acidic voice in the back of his head was laid to rest when she did show up, or even show small amounts of affection - like a hug or a soft, understanding smile.

His father, George Barnes, was entirely different story. He loved all four of his children, and openly. Sure, the bastard could be strict with them at times, but it was always purely out of love and concern for how his children turn out. He wanted them to be decent people, by any means necessary. The gender roles and expectations were visibly twisted in their family, not that any of them cared. It was a family, functional or not, they still all loved each-other; In their own special and complex ways.

As they pulled up to detached house, perfectly ordinary to the oblivious eye. Bucky started to feel waves of guilt and anxiety crash over his mind, drowning him in his own head. He couldn't go in just yet.

"Hey ma, is it okay if I sit in the driveway for a bit? Gotta clear my head," Bucky's lips pursed together, drawing a line of discomfort on his paling face.

"Okay, but make sure you have dinner with us, Pa made your favourite. It'll be nice to feel a bit like’a family again, so no running off. Okay, James? I'm trusting you sweetheart,"

"Of course, love you ma,"

"Love you too, now sort that busy head of yours out. At least as much as you can for dinner." And with that, both parties stepped out the car and diverted to their separate destinations.

When Bucky finally heard the door shut, he parked himself at the end of the driveway and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. A guy at the centre had packs for days and Bucky was only human so he stole a couple. The other few packs were in his bag.

He recovered his lighter and sparked it, endorsing the cigarette in flames, lighting it effectively. With each inhale of the nicotine smoke, he felt his anxieties melt away. It was the one thing he relied on the calm him down when no one else could.

As the last drag burned it's way to the filter, Bucky stubbed it out and retrieved his pack of gum. Dinner's gonna taste funkier than usual tonight but he didn't care. And for 5 minutes more, he sat there in the driveway with a mouth full of gum, all alone.

Eventually, his dad called him for food and like a cat, he dragged himself inside to face the music of his actions.

As he entered his family home, the familiar surroundings grounded him. He was safe, at home, with his family to get on his nerves affectionately. The rest of the Barnes’ were all sat at the table, waiting for Bucky to join them. His pa caught eye of him first, a small wave calling his only son forward. His sisters directed their attention to him in the doorway as well, greeting him with smiles and worried eyes. This was the first time any of them had seen him in six months so their joint efforts of making things not awkward were heavily appreciated.

“Hey guys,” Bucky tried to break the ice. He got through most of it, but the tension was thick and two words wasn’t gonna quite cut it. He could almost see their questions hanging in the air.

“Good to see you again Bucky. How long you think you’re gonna be back for this time?” Rebecca, the middle sister, teased at him.

“Shut ya mouth Becca. I’m here 'til they get me again,”

“Which is gonna be never because James here is starting a behavioural program Monday,” Winifred scolded. “And he’s gonna try his damn hardest not to go back, ain’t ya Bucky?”

“Yes ma~” Bucky took his seat as he replied, staring at the food before him. His ma wasn’t lying about his pa making his favourite. The smell itself was temping Bucky. 

“Is that true?”

Everyone turned their attention to the youngest, Lilith. Small thing wasn’t at all like her siblings. She lacked their hollywood charm and out-going nature but made friends with other areas of her personality. She was also the smart one, so she had that on her older siblings.

“Is Bucky really gonna get better? You’re not just saying this so we gain false hope for it to be crushed when he goes back?”

The last comment stung something fierce in Bucky. As the older brother, he was supposed to be a role model for his younger sisters, their protector. And here they were asking if he was really going to change because they’d heard it all before.

Winifred opened her mouth to speak but Bucky cut her short. “Yeah, I am. And I’m gonna make you so damn proud you’ll explode kiddo,” A playful smirk asserted itself on his face in hopes of making Lilith feel better. Out of everyone she probably worried the most about her older brother, wanting him to be okay but never seeing proof that he was when he said. Bucky had set up a life-long fear in Lilith Barnes about drugs and the police - a blessing and a curse. But no matter how you looked at it, Bucky just saw it as him letting his little sister down.

He was gonna make sure that he made it through this program, even if it killed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey !! so this is the first chapter of 12 ! (i didn’t mean to make the first paragraph rhyme, pls forgive my songwriting ass) i hope you guys enjoy it so far and next chapter, there'll be a bigger focus on steve. we'll get into his character a bit and his home life. i had so much fun with this concept and i can't wait to update more chapters !! see ya'll :)


	2. My friends aren't far in the back of my car

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stevebucky meet and intro to stevie =)

Steve's weary eyes pull open to a new school day. It's so early, like it is every time he wakes up. Call it force of habit, if you will. He's quick to get out of bed and get ready; today's the day of the behavioural program and he's gotta look his best. Who knows, maybe it's a hot girl with a dark side but is actually really sweet?

"Don't get ahead of yourself Rogers, this isn't some romantic story or film," he grumbles into the pale light of 5am. It was stupid really, talking to himself. He'd only ever get the answer he wanted, rather than the one he needed.

Dragging his flattened feet across the matted carpet to the bathroom, he entered the ensuite bathroom. Shower time. He rid of his sleeping gear and turned on the hot tap. The smell of pancakes wavering under the bathroom door. Ma was up, that's good.

She'd been in a bad way ever since Steve's father lost his life to the sharp teeth of war. They opened up and tore Joseph Rogers to pieces - too tiny to piece back together. Not only did it shatter Sarah's heart but it crushed Steve's as well. His father was a good, family man. Taught him to cook, play football in the backyard, to read and write; how to be a good man. Now he was gone.

When Joseph died, Steve was old enough to understand his mother's anguish - he was her number one supporter, they only had each other after all. He gave her space, a shoulder to cry on and helped out more around the house. He even got himself a job the day he turned 15. Sarah Rogers thanked God everyday to have such an incredible son, he was everything she needed, right when she needed it. Steven Grant Rogers was an angel in disguise.

Hot water cascaded down Steve's lean and toned back. He worked in a motorbike shop so he gained a lot of lean muscle from it. Never anything impressive or overly intimidating, not that he really could be standing at 5'6. He could throw a punch but always got knocked back down eventually.

In cases like those, Steve wishes he hung out with Sam more often. The man could knock you dead with a single swing. He also equipped with a heart of gold and a wit to make you fall flat on your ass.

He loved Sam a lot, in a friend way obviously. Steve Rogers isn't gay, or anything.

The sudden shock of cold water ripped Steve out of his own head and back into the real world. Right, food and school.

He put on an outfit that wasn't anything out of the ordinary or particularly eye catching but still appealing to the eye. He liked to blend in, made the day much faster. But he’ll be damned if he looks like a tramp just for the sake of hiding.

"Morning Ma!" came his cheerful announcement as he made his way down stairs into the kitchen-dining room.

"Morning baby," Her reply was soft spoken, motherly, kind. Steve loved his Ma with all his being, she was all he had left - not counting his friends. "Big day today, you ready to reshape some lost kid?"

"Ma, I'm sure it's not like that, they probably just don't know how to... I don't know,"

"You're a guardian angel, make their soul bright again. But not too bright, and use protection,”

“Argh, Ma, that’s never gonna happen. Look at me,”

“I am. You’re a handsome man Steven Grant, even if you don’t believe me,” And that was that. Steve had learnt not to argue with his mother, she had a tendency to outsmart him, even if he was right. So, he just looked up with soft eyes and an equally soft smile. The morning was finished with Steve thanking his mother for the food and heading out the door.

Now to pick up those assholes.

Steve pulled out of the street and started to drive towards Natasha's house. She was always the first to be picked up, then it was Sam, then Scott and off to school. Tony usually hitched a ride with his driver, Jarvis and Thor and Loki got taken to school by their mother. Rhodey shotgunned a ride from Tony every morning and that was how things had been since junior year. Nothing that wasn't known or unexpected. No reason for that to change.

Bucky Barnes may have had a different idea.

While Steve was busy picking up his friends, Bucky was still running through a land of nightmares and screaming. He jumped awake, sweat dripping down his face and his breathing laboured. During his criminal activity, Bucky had seen his fair share of shit. Gang fights, mob wars, murders. He never went near them, certainly didn't partake in them, but the memories stuck like glue to his skin. They wouldn't leave.

His mind drifted to his mentor, he hoped for some small guy with glasses and a small frame. Sweet as sugar and nerdy as hell. Someone cute. Opposites attract, don't they?

"Cool your jets Barnes, even if it is some cute person, I doubt they'd fall for you," Bucky hissed to himself, "They'll want someone without a criminal record stemming back to 13,"

Little did Bucky know that Steve Rogers actually liked those who were a bit "bad" if you will. He had a type, and that type was to be Bucky Barnes, if he could get close enough. Not that he even knew who he was mentoring.

That was to come.

"Hey Rogers, how you feeling today?" Natasha jumped in the front seat, feet already kicked up on the dash.

"Nat, how many times do I have to tell you? Feet, off."

“I’ll think about it. We going to get Sam now?"

"Yep,"

"You excited about this whole mentoring thing? Maybe the person is cute?"

"If they are, that's not what I'm there for. I'm supposed to help them, not make out with them,"

Natasha simply shook her, “Forever the virgin. Y’know you gotta get out there at some point? Maybe this is your cue?” Nat liked to tease her friends. Steve mostly for how he blushed bright red. It wasn't his fault his cheeks were a constant shade of baby pink, it was global warming Natasha, Jesus.

“I’m not ‘forever a virgin’,"

"Hm, okay," Unconvinced, Natasha turned to gaze out the window. “You will be if you don’t put yourself out there.” And with that, they fell into the background noise of the radio.

They soon pulled up to Sam's house. The sound of young children and teenagers alike yelling at each other to hurry up or "get your asses out the door and go to school" followed by mischievous giggles. Their house always sounded like family. A tired looking Sam soon appeared and got in the car, and exhaled an irritated sigh.

"Busy morning?" Came Natasha's mocking stab at Sam's morning routine.

“Tell me about it,” Sam mumbled, slouching in the back seat.

“Aw, that’s not a happy face,” Natasha replied with a smirk.

"If you're not careful, I'll make you stay the night on a weekday. See how you like it, bitch,"

"Someone forgot their coffee this morning,"

"Tell me about it, fuckers drank it all," Sam half groaned, he was fully entitled to. A house full of hyperactive children and grumpy teenagers isn't the best wake up call in anyone's books. Especially his parents.

"Well I'm sorry Sam, wanna stop somewhere for coffee?" Steve asked in a gentle tone, careful not to poke the belly of the beast that was Sam Wilson at 8 o'clock in the morning.

"Nah, it's fine. Let's just get tic tac and get school the fuck over with,"

"Amen to that one," Came the joint reply of both parties in the front seats. It was going to be a long day...

Once they had Scott and made it to school, Steve collected his work for the day from his homeroom teacher and set out for the A to A room. The behavioural program was due to take place there and soon. Steve kicked up his feet to ensure he wasn't late.

He'd hate to make a bad impression on someone who could easily end his life - if they really wanted to. But somehow, Steve's gut gnarred and growled to him that just wasn't the case.

The carbon black door was a gatekeeper to something that could either ruin or change Steve's life. He was playing russian roulette with his mind and his instincts were kicked into overdrive.

"C'mon Steve you can do this, it's only until the end of the school year, it'll be fine. It's not like they'll be devilishly a-ttrac-ive…” His mind melted into mush at the site of his mentee.

"Hey, I'm Bucky, you're my 'behavioural' mentor right?" In front of Steve was possibly the most attractive man he's ever seen. Long, dark hair frames his chiseled face perfectly; steal blue eyes pin him to the very spot Steve's standing in; Tall, muscular body standing at, what? 5'11? 6ft? Either way, the mysterious delinquent towered over Steve in a way he's never experienced before.

"Hello~? Earth to cute nerd? Aren't you supposed to be teachin’ me right from wrong right now?" He finished his statement with a chuckle that vibrated it's way down to Steve's stomach.

Oh fuck, he was really screwed.

Steve's face erupted in red as his mouth fell over his words, he was the poster boy for embarrassment. Trying not to stutter too much, he finally choked out a "Yeah sure! T-This way, we'll get started on some of the work we've been set,"

'Bucky' had an infectious smile that had Steve practically at his feet, all blizzard white teeth and perfect lips. He was dangerous in more ways than one, and he didn't even know Steve's name yet.

"Oh! My name is Steve by the way, in case you were wondering,"

"Well then 'Steve', it's just gonna be the two’a us for the next year so, better cozy up with each other. I say, fuck the work today, we'll pick it up tomorrow. Let's get to know each other seein’ as we've never met before," His way of action was so casual, you couldn't tell if he cared and wanted to come off as lax or if he generally didn't give a shit about anything. Steve's praying he's better than the latter. "Plus, I'd like to get to know ya sweetheart,"

If Steve’s face got any hotter, it might just melt off his skull.

"Steve is just fine Bucky,” His deadpan was undermined by the heat on his cheeks.

"I like sweetheart much better," and as if on cue, Steve Rogers' face reddened even further.

After the brief flirtatious introduction, Steve blushing like a patriotic virgin and Bucky smirking _so damn much, _they finally got to know each other. Steve discovered that Bucky had three sisters, likes 70s rock, especially Queen and David Bowie and that he'd been having issues with the law since he was 13. And in return, Bucky learned that Steve is an only child, he likes 40s and 50s jazz and rock n’ roll and that he's had a perfect record for a little over four years now.

As they talked more and more, they grew more fond of each other, Bucky opened up more, even started cracking a few jokes. Steve could feel himself falling in with this guy, but two things 1) Steve wasn't gay and if he did like guys then would that make him, bi? It was a lot to figure out in the span of a few seconds; And 2) Steve knew he could never retaliate, Bucky was most likely only about ripping clothes. And the clothes of girls, most likely too.

However, Bucky was falling over himself for some guy he just met - again. Steve was adorable: all blushed cheeks and wandering, shy eyes. Bucky knew he could have anyone he wanted, but an innocent voice called to him, pleading him to save up for a dinner date.

Fuck, he really was screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo! okay so an a to a room is something we have in a school here in the uk. it's stand for "aspiring to achieve" and it's like an isolation room. i'm trying my hardest to make this as american as possible but idk how ur system works so don't come for my neck if i fuck up, okay? okay. so! sorry about not posting for ages, had loads off college work to do but i'll upload chapter 3 as well bc it's xmas, see ya'll next week with chapter 4 !!


	3. Lay their bodies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a spanner in the works

The rest of their day went by smoothly, Bucky stole Steve's phone and saved his number in under "hot guy with the hair", certain that Steve would get a giggle out of that one.

Despite not knowing each other for very long, Bucky couldn't help but stare and the blonde beauty before him. His eyes like electricity and a transparent pigment on his cheeks that let every shade of pink or red through. It didn't help that he was as sharp as a double edge sword and just as pretty. Bucky couldn't help but be a little sweet on him. It was like second nature, but Bucky refused to believe in soulmates or anything like that; as far as he was concerned, he was damned.

Steve knew Bucky was looking at him, he had no clue why. He didn't consider himself anything out of the ordinary. He had ordinary hair, ordinary eyes, an ordinary build - nothin like the long hair, steel eyes or tank-like build of the man who was currently staring at him. To put it simply, in comparison to Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers was nothing.

Steve felt the ball of insecurity and self-deprecation rise in his throat. He had to control this now or he'd expose his thoughts to a man he barely knew. Not that he was an open person to begin with. Steve preferred to shed tears in the privacy of himself, alone in his bedroom where no one can hear him.

Bucky could see the shift in emotion just from his eyes. They went from focused to scared to saddened. Curiosity bubbled under Bucky's skin with the need to know why this angel in front of him was so upset.

"Hey, what's up?" Bucky questioned, he couldn't just let it fly under the radar like everyone else did to him. He wanted something different for Steve.

"Oh- nothing, just, kinda in my own head. Y'know?" He still seemed small, but it was covered now. Brushed aside, as if he'd done it a thousand times.

"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Sure you don't wanna talk about it? Surprisingly, I'm quite a good listener," Bucky smiled softly, genuinely interested in what was racing in Steve's head.

"I'm okay, maybe another time,"

"I'm gonna hold ya to that,"

"I'm counting on it," Steve finished his sentence with a smile.

A silence fell over them, blanketing them from the rest of the school. A safe air of unspoken words and lips curling into smirks or smiles. It was electrical fire, and the sparks flying around were pulling their faces together. Both faces gained colour, some more than others - Steve - lips parted, breath swirling and twisting into each other. They were so close yet so far--

The familiar rattling of that _fucking bell _vibrated through the concrete turning the walls into ones of solid sound. Of course. The world hated Bucky so much that the second, there's even a slightest chance in the nine circles of hell that he's getting laid, it cock-blocks him. Figures.

Both parties retracted, blushes painting themselves across their cheeks. Steve was falling over himself, trying to make the situation anything but awkward. They had to see each other again tomorrow and Steve will be damned if it gets weird after the first day. Bucky shortly followed, coughing to "clear his throat". Nervous hands ran in circles against his black, matted jeans. Then dancing their way up to his mouth, terminating at his pockets.

The tension in the air could be cut with a knife, Steve thinks that if Natasha were here, she'd actually try to. Most likely follow by various gagging noises.

Steve was the first one to speak up.

"So, same time tomorrow then?"

Bucky pressed on a smile, anxious and stuttering on his cheeks. "Yeah, I'll try to be up for then. Can't make any promises though..."

"Ha ha, well, try and get up early tomorrow. We can actually try and get some work done, considering that's what we're supposed to be doing,"

"Following rules and givin’ orders’ your style, huh?" Steve's cheeks flared, he wasn't used to people paying this much attention to him.

"Uh, yeah. I guess you could say that,"

The taller male went quiet for a moment, smirked to himself and flashed Steve a million dollar smile. "Cute,"

Bucky was going to be the death of him.

"Any chance I can walk you to ya locker?" His movement were calm and practiced, Bucky's clearly done this before; it's obvious. Steve can't help but feel a little jealous...

"Sure, follow me,"

The walk to Steve's locker was accelerated by jokes and past times. The more they talked, the closer they got. It was a natural connection, like clockwork. As they arrived, Bucky leaned against another. Arms crossed, legs crossed, goddamn smirk on his face. He's gotta be careful, or there will be a serious trail of bodies stuck with lovesick hearts bursting at the seams for him.

"So, Stevie, sweetheart, anyone in the picture?"

"Not as far as I'm aware. No one really notices me anyway..." Steve mumbled the last part, but Bucky's ears still pricked up in interest. How can someone so cute not see his worth? How could he not see how intelligent and charismatic he is? The person who made this angel insecure was now at the top of Bucky's hit list. They'd pay for doubting his beauty for even a second.

"Oh c'mon. Not even _one _person?" There has to be one person, and that person could be anyone.

"I guess there's one person, but I don't really know them all that well..." Steve finished the line with a smirk, this was his first attempt at flirting. Well, properly and intentionally. He'd seen Sam doing it enough with girls at parties enough to get the jist. It couldn't be that hard...

"Oh yeah? Do I know them? I get around more than ya think," He was wearing that god damned smirk again. The one Steve had only seen a handful of times but already had the power to make his face pink and knees shake. _Curse that fucking smirk._

"U-um, I don't know," _Quick Steve, play hard to get! You just fucking met this guy! _"She likes to keep to her friends and... outside-of-school activities, she's really smart... and... nice!" _Better... ish. Fuck sake Rogers!_

"So you're straight?" You couldn't miss that hint of disappointment that laced his words. It was that that clicked the realisation in Steve's head. _WAIT! He's not straight? HOW?_

"Um, I'm not sure... Haven't given it all that much thought. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. Guess I just haven't... found the right partner yet,”

Bucky looks deep in thought, as if trying to decode the message freshly off Steve's tongue. There wasn't much to infer other than he's obviously been frequently unsuccessful with women and never really given the idea of being with men much thought. Which is confusing to Bucky as he's only known Steve for six hours and already, he wants to fall in deep with him._How can someone not want this guy? He's a fuckin' catch!_

"Ha, well when you do, let me know so I can plan the wedding. I get the vibe you're the monogamous type. Y'know the one partner for the rest of your life..." He drew up the snarky comment with his hands clutched together and a fake dreamy, doey look in his eyes.

"Shut it jerk, what if I do want that? It's not like that's the worst thing in the world to want,"

"Maybe not _punk_, but don't ya at least wanna experience life? Like, fuck around, play the field, see what ya type is and what makes ya wanna hurl," Bucky's smiling for once. It's only the second time Steve's seen it but he already wants to see it all the time. It's better than the smirk plastered to his face as if by cement.

"Not much field to play when everyone you try to talk to, or have feelings for won't give you the time of day because you're 5"6. You've never had that because you're a 6ft giant who everyone throws themselves at,"

"You think I'm handsome?"

That struck panic in the shorter of the two. His face must've displayed this as a comforting hand placed itself on his shoulder.

"Hey, I'm just pullin' ya tail. Sorry if I freaked ya out..." There was genuine regret there. Why was everyone so scared of this guy? When he'd brought up who he was mentoring to his friends at lunch, Tony spat out his food. Natasha's face twisted in panic and worry for her friend. They'd gone on a massive lecture about how he was mentoring _James Barnes. _SHIELD's no-good guy. The anti-hero of Brooklyn. The stories that flooded and drowned the air suffocated Steve as Bucky had been nothing like the guy they were describing. The only person who didn't have an opinion on him was Sam, claiming he didn't like gossip nor did he care for what others thought of a person. He preferred first hand judgement and Steve respected that; he was on the same page as him.

He had no clue Bucky was as infamous as he was. Clearly the local community knew his name, and not for good reasons. He wanted to change that as he felt he knew Bucky better than that. He seem like a genuinely good guy, strong-hearted, intelligent (especially with science, more so physics and chemistry. Tony would get on well with him, no doubt), handsome as hell of course and generally really nice. He had this presence about him that just made you feel safe; Like he'd never let anything happen to you while you were friends with him. Steve started counting his lucky stars as even if Bucky was just his friend, typical, alpha-type bullies would let off his case.

Maybe he could even start enjoying his time at high school... Who knows? All he knew was that Bucky seemed like a good thing.

"No it's fine," Steve returned the smile from earlier. "Just got in my own head, sorry about that,"

"Hey, it's okay. Never apologise for your mental health,” Steve could only return the small smile Bucky gave in turn. 

Just as Steve was going to acknowledge the sugar that just left Bucky's mouth, Peggy - a good friend of Steve's - came over, all white smiles and classic red lips. Her hair perfect as always and outfit form-fitting and beautiful. She always looked like this.

"Hi Steve, how are you today?" The British accent took Bucky aback for a second but then realised she's probably just moved to the states.

"Hey Peggy, I'm good! You?"

"Yeah, I'm alright. Just wondering if you wanted to do anything this weekend?"

Bucky's face caught the corner of Steve's eyes, why did he look like that? An angry spell had been cast around his face, displacing any joyous one that graced it before. Why was he so angry?

"I'm sorry, who are you?" The venom that dripped from Bucky's voice was downright poisonous, biting and wounding everyone in its path, including Steve.

"Sorry, I don't believe we've met. I'm Peggy Carter, and if you don't mind, my question was directed at Steve,"

"The name's James Barnes and maybe Stevie don't wanna know ‘bout’a little stuck-up bitch like yourself. Keep walkin' princess," Both Steve and Peggy looked at Bucky as if he'd just smacked them both across the face.

That was out of line, and suddenly everything his friends had said to Steve fell into place.

"What the fuck Bucky? That came outta nowhere!”

"Sorry for sticking up for you! Was just tryna make sure that girl you were talking about actually got her chance!"

"And what if Peggy is that girl? You know nothing about her!"

And with that, Bucky was silenced. His face twisted and turned with ugly and acidic emotions, contouring his expressions into one that resembled seeing a ghost. All colour drained and paled his face. His eyes darting to the nearest exit, what the fuck is he so upset about?

"I was just tryna help you, princess here didn't seem like your type,"

"You don't know shit about my type! I've known you all of six hours and you act like you know what's best for me? If you can't tell, I can stand my own ground. I don't need some criminal to fight for me, I'm no dame!" Steve's face reddened with anger. Peggy's face was out of his eye-line, but it was not out of Bucky's. She was smirking like a genius plan had followed through perfectly. "Just fuck off back to prison!"

Okay, that was low Steve. He knew Bucky's opinions on his reputation and past-actions. He knew the self-hatred towards it and the deep residing desire to get better. That was the whole reason why Steve even knew Bucky in the first place, and he just threw it back in his face - just like everyone else.

"Bucky, I'm-"

"Fuck you Rogers" and with that Bucky stormed out of school. Steve just stood there gobsmacked, unsure if that had actually happened. He recounted his words with the heavy footsteps, going over the event that just played out like Shakespeare. Steve was never one to use mistakes during arguments, but since Bucky had shown up, his whole world had been turned inside out: what the fuck was happening to him?

"Well, thank God that's over," Peggy's voice dragged Steve back in from his thoughts. "Is he always like that?"

"Fuck if I know, I met him today,"

"Oh, well you should probably stay away from him if he blows up every time you try and do something for yourself," Steve missed the snark in her accent. Right now, Peggy was an angel and Bucky was the demon. And playing devil's advocate wasn't an option anymore. But he did sort of like Peggy, in what way, he had yet to find out.

She was gorgeous, that was undeniable but he hardly talked to her and he didn't know if they had much in common, oh well. No harm in trying right?

"About this weekend, I'd like that very much, if it's still on offer," Came the shy reply. This was his first real chance at going out with someone and as far as Steve knew, he was straight. Bucky may not be, but he was. So, like the straight man he is, he's going to go on a date with a beautiful girl and have a great time.

"Of course it is Steve. Meet me at the fair ground for 6:30? That okay?"

"'course it is, or I could pick you up at 6:30..."

"You're a real gentleman Steve, men like you are hard to come by these days..." And with that, she left Steve alone with his thoughts, only to be pulled out of them by Natasha jumping on his back demanding a ride home. Sam and Scott shortly trailing behind.

"C'mon prince charming, take us home.”

"Right this way m’lady,"

X.X.X.X

The rest of the week was uneventful, Bucky hadn't shown up a single day since that monday, leaving Steve to just his work in silence. Which, in actual fact, was so fucking boring Steve wanted to rip his hair out. He missed the snark of Bucky's quick wit and he'd only tasted it for a day - not even that, six fucking hours.

That was all it took for Steve to fuck things up. Well, for them both to fuck things up. Bucky was a dickhead, but there was no justice in Steve's retaliation.

Luckily it was Friday today, so that meant one more day until the weekend, it also meant on more day until his date with Peggy Carter. Steve was actually really excited as the more he thought about her, the more he realises he likes her a whole lot. He assumed the smile insistent to stay on his face was out of limerence, he’d never known the feeling so anything could’ve meant anything. He's anxious for the weekend, eager to see how it unfolds. Still, he wishes he could chatter Bucky's ear off with his excitement. He knows that Bucky just wants what's best for him, never an ulterior motive spurring him on to ruin Steve's happiness. Bucky would smirk and smile and join in in his joy.

He just wishes things hadn't played out like they had.

The rest of the day is dull and mildly productive, Steve getting done everything he needs to and some of Bucky's work to ensure he stays on track and no one doubts his determination to change. He seemed genuine in his efforts to make his life right, desperate to prove that he was more than his previous actions. Steve believed him that he wanted more out of life than prison sentences and he was equally as determined to help him get there.

Handing in his work and collecting his rowdy friends, Steve drops them all home and drives himself home as well. When he opened the door to his house, smells of home cooking invaded and conquered. His ma was making his favourite, probably to celebrate his first week of mentoring, Steve hadn't uttered a word about the situation, so naturally Sarah assumed only the best of he son. She had no reason to do anything else.

"Hey Steve! How'd the first week go?" She was itching to hear about it, as she was with anything her son did. She loved him to death and only wanted the best for him, so when Steve's face fell so did her heart to the pit of her stomach. Something had happened and it wasn't pretty.

"Not great Ma, I'll be honest,"

"Oh no, what happened baby?"

"I fucked up, I really did. But it wasn't all me, he played a part in it as well,"

"First of all, language Steven Grant Rogers." He smiled at that one, even when comforting him, his ma was still the same fiery lady she's always been. "Second of all, what happened? Dinner's almost ready so we can talk about it now while we're eating,"

"Thanks Ma,"

Steve set about setting the table for the two of them, gathering knives and forks, water glasses and a jug of water; then taking his seat at his end of their small kitchen table. They weren't rich like Tony or the Odinsons but they had what they needed and were comfortable. It was cozy and made for a homey environment, not matter what your stance on living standards.

"Okay, shoot," Sarah placed their food on the table and tucked herself in, ready to hear what was troubling her son so much. He seemed beaten down about it and as any good mother would, it worried her to see Steve's typically happy face void of a summer smile. Her motherly instincts kicked in to try and help in anyway she could.

"So, monday, everything is fine. I met him - his name is Bucky by the way, Bucky Barnes,"

"The boy who's always in those youth detention centres?"

“Yes. Him," suddenly defensive, Steve's voice became accidentally harsh. But he caught this and apologised when Sarah pulled an offended expression. "He's not as bad as people think he is. Bucky is actually really sweet when you try harder than judging what's in front of you. Bucky's really funny and charismatic. He's got a fire in him that screams 'I'm not letting anything break me' and I admire that. It's obvious he's been through a lot - I'm just not sure what yet..."

"Play your cards right and he might just tell ya,"

"That's the thing, he's not ever going to tell me because we had a fight. On monday."

"How on earth did you do that?" Sarah wasn’t surprised at this, Steve could start a fight in an empty house and there was more than one instance of him coming home with a black eye and busted lip. People loved to kick him. So, when he's suddenly having an argument with someone he met _that day,_ it's something Sarah was used to.

"Y'know that girl, Peggy? Who moved here recently from London?"

"Yeah, I've heard of her! Sounds like a lovely girl,"

"She is, we're going on a date tomorrow..." Sarah perked up at that. A smile dazzling her features in that same way Steve's smile did.

"Oh Steve, that's amazing! My baby boy is growing up!"

"Ha yeah, well back to the story," Steve told her everything that happened in the space of five minutes on Monday. She nodded her head slowly, drinking in every detail and trying to grasp the situation from both perspectives - though that was hard without knowing Bucky personally. Or so she thought.

"Wait, James Barnes? As in the son of George and Winifred Barnes?" something clicking inside her head quickly.

"Um, I don't know his parents' names but I know he has three sisters called Emily, Lilith and Rebecca," His growing suspicions made his previously hungry stomach not so.

"I knew his parents in college, your father and I were quite close with them, even tried to stay in touch when they moved to Russia. I remember them visiting with their daughter and son: Emily and James, before Rebecca and Lilith were in the picture, obviously. We lost touch when they moved back after the birth of their third child. They said they'd moved back to Brooklyn when they'd had enough of the politics in Russia. I wanted to introduce you to James but when they came back to Brooklyn, their number had changed and I guess they forgot to send us the new one. They're lovely people, always have been and great parents too, so it's a shame to hear what's happened to James over the years, his name being thrown around like an unloved toy. Can't imagine the damage that's done to him, poor kid,"

Steve was starstruck, he had no clue that his ma even knew who the Barnes' were, let alone knew them on a personal level. She'd known Bucky since he was a kid!

"When I first met James, I was around six months pregnant with you actually. He was only a year old but he was so sweet, always laughing and smiling. I wanted you to be just like him and thank God you were. You would've made the best of friends when you two were younger, missed opportunity really."

"How come you didn't tell me about them before?" Bucky could've been his friend all this time... sometimes he hates how life has a way of doing these sorts of things.

"Didn't cross my mind to, I just assumed you'd meet him eventually, I'm surprised it took this long and under these circumstances. But enough about back then, let's look at now. Where are you going on this date tomorrow?"

"Ma~"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO IMMA END THIS HERE, STEVEPEGGY DATE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER BC THIS IS LONG ENOUGH. hope ya'll are enjoying it so far. ik i'm a dick for making them fight but ITS PART OF THE PLOT I PROMISE. next update next week, see ya then !!


	4. Where's my mind?

Tonight was the night, Steve's first date. He'd been longing for this moment for years so the ropes and wires of nerves were at least mildly accepted. He'd spent the day getting ready, making sure he looked mouth-watering to the last detail. Steve wanted his first date impression to be a good one - who knows where this might go. His naive heart can only hope.

Time was racing for six o'clock and in return, Steve rushed down the stairs, left a kiss on his ma's cheek and started his car. The drive to Peggy's house was faster than expected due to Steve's nervous driving. His palms clammed up and forehead starting to shine, Steve checked the driver mirror and refined his appearance.

The steps to her door sank in the stones of her pathway, the world reshaping to swallow Steve whole before he fucked this up completely- and he rang the doorbell.

Muffled shouting and paced footsteps passed the seconds in which the door remained closed. The dark mahogany door swept the distanced and there in front of him was his date. Dressed up in a black, flowing skirt, white polo shirt and a denim jacket, Peggy smiled at Steve with her classical million dollar smile. She looked absolutely beautiful. Her face was decorated with thin eyeliner, red lips and a small blush dancing on her cheeks. Steve wanted to paint her but he knew his skills would never do her perfection justice.

"You look amazing Steve," pulled Steve out of his disgustingly sappy thoughts. _Yeah, I'm definitely straight.._.

"You look stunning yourself," Steve Rogers, actually flirting? This night is a miracle and it's only six in the evening. "Shall we?"

And just like that, Peggy hooked her arm around Steve's open invitation and they walked to Steve's car. The drive to the fair was quiet, an almost suffering silence, as if the whole thing was really, just unrequited. Steve started to get nervous Peggy was regretting her decision. But he just put it down as driving being boring, the actual date would be much better, he was sure of it.

As they pulled up to the fun fair, both parties' eyes glistened his a new found childish glee. There was so much to do and both were determined to do all of it. Peggy grabbed Steve's hand and pulled the unsuspecting teenager forward. Steve fell over himself with a chuckle and let himself be guided by the strong-willed woman with an even stronger grip.

They went from ride to ride, giggling and making casual conversation in the lines leading to the main attraction. Steve was really enjoying himself, loving the sweet vibes and blush that inhabited Peggy's face. Under the coloured lights and the twilight of 8pm in October, Peggy looked gorgeous. Her brunette hair cascaded to her shoulders, gently kissing them now and then. Her eyes shined with adoration and excitement for future events of the night. Her smile... was more beautiful and contagious than anything Steve had ever seen.

His mind wandered to Bucky's smile and he couldn't help but imagine his smile under the fair ground lights, illuminating his steel blue eyes and showing off his perfect teeth. _No, not right now, he was a dick to the date you're currently with. Think about that asshole later._

A game stand full of stuffed bears caught Steve's eye. He knew it was cheesy to win your date a prize from these overpriced things but he couldn't help it. He was a hopeless romantic, shoot him. "Hey, wanna try and win one of these things?" Steve asked in a polite tone.

"Sure! Let's see what you've got Rogers..." She teased in reply. Steve liked this one.

They arrived at the stand and instantly, the guy was on their case promoting it. Steve handed him five dollars and set about trying to knock down the tin cans with the three balls he was given. He managed to knock down four out of six, which earned him a small stuffed animal. He handed Peggy the toy and she smiled a small thank you. A devious stare glassed her eyes as she pulled out five dollars herself.

"I want to see how hard this really is. I'm more than just a pretty face,"

The guy at the stand chuckled at Steve's blush and handed Peggy her turn. She knocked all six down in one shot, out marking Steve massively. The guy handed Peggy her well deserved prize, an impressed smile rightfully gracing his lips. Steve was gobsmacked; mouth hanging off his chin and eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights.

"What? You think you're the man between the two of us?" And with that, she walked off. Steve followed right behind her, hot on Peggy's heels like a lovesick puppy.

They decided to close the night as it was getting late and Peggy's dad was strict about curfew times. Steve got her home just in time, like a gentleman. She left his car with a skip in her step, promising to call Steve when she got home. Steve had to take a second in the driver's seat to process what had just happened. His mind was still catching up with the hurricane that was Peggy Carter, a hell of a girl.

What Steve didn't understand was why every-time he thought over the date, he imagined Bucky in Peggy's place. The two of them smiling and running around, kissing and holding hands under the fairy lights of the ferris wheel.

He shoved those thoughts aside, deeming them stupid and just an overactive imagination.

What he didn't know was that all week Bucky had been fighting himself in every corner of his bedroom. Guilt over monday afternoon swallowed him whole and now, here he was, smoking the last of regrets in a cigarette out his bedroom window.

He needed to talk to Steve. But would he listen?

Bucky had more on his plate to deal with then teenage melodrama, if Steve really wants to make things right, Steve can make the first move. _Are you really going to be like this? You kinda started it... Quiet, I didn't know he was gonna react like that. Didn’t even tell me the chick's name, how the fuck was I supposed to know?_

Despite the petty argument that Bucky had with himself, his hand reached for his phone and started typing. To whom, Bucky wasn't sure yet, until he read the contact name... 'Cute guy from bp'. He really needs to stop his left hand from acting by itself, half the time it was like a bionic weapon he had no control of, trailing destruction in it's path. And when he did have control, it was the fire for things he'd rather not talk about.

_To Cute guy from bp_

_Hey, just wanted to say sorry for monday. We don't gotta be friends or anything, just get me through the program and I'll be outta ya hair. Hope we can talk things over tho_

Bucky waited hours and still to no reply, Steve was equally as stubborn as Bucky, fate had said it. This was going to be a long year...

Steve was pacing the surface area of his room, hands glued to his scalp and knotted in his hair. _What's going on? I just went on a date with Peggy but I can't stop replacing her with Bucky. This is so stupid! He's an asshole, a dickhead, a- really nice guy? _A small voice in his head chimed in. It wasn't like Steve didn't get along with Bucky, they got along famously. It was just how Bucky had reacted to Peggy that made Steve retract from his presence. Plus, the date with Peggy went well, really well! She even promised a phone call after, so why was Steve getting cold feet now?

_Because it's not Peggy you want._

He didn’t want to believe that smart-ass voice in his head. He was straight, god damnit! And he certainly wasn’t pinning over some guy who he didn’t have a fucking chance in hell at getting with! He wanted to be with Peggy, he was at least semi-certain of it. But the second he imagines a future with her, imagines more than what they have now, his gut churns like something’s wrong. Like he’s lying to himself and his whole body knows it.

A sudden guilt overwhelmed Steve, the thought of leading her on almost painful. Peggy deserved better than some guy who will just run away, someone who actually returns the feelings in the same light she does and gives her everything. Steve is not that guy. Peggy Carter is simply not what he needs, nor is he what she needs. The whole night had been a mistake and it's hitting Steve like a ton of bricks.

His phone illuminates with Peggy's call, _now or never I guess... "_Hey Peggy! Was just about t'a call you,"

"Really? Thinking about me already?" He could practically hear the cute smile on the other end, this is going to hurt, bad. Steve had to rip this off quick and all at once.

"Yeah, um, I think- I don't know if- look, Peggy, you're a sweet girl. An amazing one at that but I just don't think I'm- us is gonna... work out?"

"Steve, what are you talking about?"

A lump in Steve's throat caught his words and held them captive. _You have to do this..._

"I don't like you in the same way you like me."

There is was, in all it's ugly and painful glory: the truth. It's sharp, jagged teeth threatening to bite into Peggy's heart but to Steve's surprise, it's didn't even leave a scratch.

"I kinda got that, you seemed somewhere else the whole night,"

"Peggy I'm sorry-"

"No, it's okay. I've always had my suspicions, I just didn't want to believe them because you're one of the only men I've met that actually sees me as a person and not some fling that he'll never see or talk to again. But, it's not your fault. You can't help who you love..." She cut him off sharply, not wanting to spare her breath, clearly quite upset. Steve felt awful, like he'd been punched in the gut and it was entirely his fault. But, it's better to live and let die than regret everything half way down the line. This was for the best.

"I'm-" and before he could get out his final apology, the line cut and Steve was once again thrust into silence. No matter how he tried to justify his actions or his feelings, there was always that nagging guilt that Peggy didn't deserve to have a great night then have it shattered. Steve's eyes started to swim in tears and like a river, they ran over his eyelids into a waterfall.

They wouldn't stop coming. It'd been awhile since Steve had cried any real tears - movies and books don't count - and he dreaded the fact that it was after his first date. This was supposed to be one of the best nights of his life. And in some ways, it was. He'd had a great time, but like the rest of his life, it wasn't with the right partner. He so desperately wanted it to be Peggy, for fear of being anything other than straight frightened him to death. So when these thoughts of Bucky, in anyway but platonic invaded his head, his trained response was to push it down, far far way.

The world will never figure out Steve Rogers likes men as well as women.

A dainty knock at the door pulled Steve up for breath. Okay, maybe his mom has a right to know and as always, she was the saviour of tonight. Her face held concern and confusion as she knew very well what tonight was meant to be. She approached him slowly and wearily, careful not to set him off as she knew Steve had a tendency to either lash out or shut down when he felt this way. However, right now, all Steve wanted was his Ma's hugs and words of wisdom singing him into peaceful states of mind.

"What happened baby?" Her voice was kind, motherly. Exactly what he needed right now.

"Ma, I need to ask you something,"

"Go ahead, is it what's making you so upset?”

Steve’s lip caught in his teeth, unsure of how to phrase what he wants to say but nodded nonetheless. His mother was Irish Catholic, she’d met his dad when he’d gone on holiday to Dublin. Steve had been raised in the catholic faith and his first words were in Gaelic. He knew that Ireland was a very…_conservative_ island. Hell, you were a disappointment if you were Catholic and married to a Protestant. Lord fucking knows how his Ma was gonna react to him being… being…

“Steve? Baby? Milis? Steven why are you crying? What’s happened?” Sarah was concerned now, Steve used to space out when he got too emotionally distressed when he was younger, but it hadn’t happened for years now. Whatever had happened, it meant a lot to Steve.

“Y’know those people?”

Sarah decided to try and make light of the situation, try and lighten the mood, “I know a lot of people meiriceánach, I’m a nurse,”

“Then you’ll know who I’m talking about, those people who…” Steve took a deep breathe to calm his nerves. His hands were trembling wrecks and his right foot wouldn’t keep still. _C’mon, you can do this. _“Who love both men and women.”

“Yes…” Sarah couldn’t see where this was going, of course she’d had an inkling but she just assumed it was because he was kinder than the other children. A person isn’t gay just because they’re nice. “Grá , I don’t see how bisexuals are making you upset.”

"Ma, what would you say if I, hypothetically, liked both guys and girls? If I was..." His eyebrows tensed in search of the right word. It smacked him in the face and his mouth opened for him. "Bisexual?"

"Oh milis," She pulled him into a comforting hug. Pouring love for the boy she raised practically by herself for the last seven years, the man she gave birth to and would always love, no matter what he did. Come hell or high water, Sarah loved her son unconditionally. 

“You don’t have to touch me if you don’t want to, I understand if you wanna kick me out…” The tears that had been there before returned at post haste. Steve fell into himself, utterly deflated and miserable.

“Steven Grant Rogers, I am not kicking you out of your own home,” Sarah replied sternly. Where ever Steve got that stupid idea from, it wasn’t welcome in her house. "I wouldn't care one bit. I'd still love you till I can't love you anymore. You're my son and nothing will ever stop me loving you. Whether you love men, women or both, I am your number one supporter."

And with that said, Steve broke down in relief. The tears stained Sarah's shirt but she didn't mind one bit. Steve needed this, and that's exactly what she'll give him. They sat like that, in their own bubble until Steve's eyes drew their fountains to a close. He wiped his eyes and apologised for getting her shirt wet but she brushed it off; Saying that her son's mental health was a lot more important than a piece of cloth. Sarah was the first to speak up.

"So, I take it some boy's got you bad? That's why tonight didn't go as planned?"

Steve laughed in a shaky way, still wobbly from his little episode.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that. But he's a dick, he'll never feel the same. He gives off the vibe that he doesn't do relationships. Plus, I've never been with a guy before,"

Sarah smiled, "There's a first time for everything Steve, and you'll never know if you don't ask. You should talk to him, try and meet in the middle. Because if a guy as handsome as you can't change his mind, he's not worth your time." She pinched his cheek and Steve withdrew with a smile.

"I guess you're right,"

"If you haven't figured out already, I'm always right. Also, watch your language Steven Grant,”

"Yeah, you are. I'm gonna try and get some sleep now, see you in the morning,"

"In the morning baby, I love you,"

"I love you too Ma," Steve laid back on his bed with a bounce.

“Oh! One more thing: like I said before, I don’t care who you’re with as long as they make you happy but STDs don’t care about gender so use protection.”

“Ma!”

“Okay, I’ll leave you alone now, night!” Sarah left him to himself - hopefully feeling better about the situation. And he was, Steve really was feeling better but he still felt drained and sluggish. He needed that sleep more than ever now. His phone screen lit up again for the second time this evening and speak of the devil and he shall appear. New message from 'Hot guy with the hair'. Bucky.

_From Hot guy with the hair_

_Hey, just wanted to say sorry for monday. We don't gotta be friends or anything, just get me through the program and I'll be outta ya hair. Hope we can talk things over tho_

Steve appreciated the message, he was trying, he could tell. But right now Steve just needed to sleep, he'd reply to Bucky in the morning. He was sure of it, but for now, sleep attacked his eyes and whipped them shut.

He fell asleep in seconds, falling into dreams of Bucky Barnes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what is this??? stevepeggy in a stevebucky fic??? yeah sorry guys, it had to be done but oh well. the boys will remain single from now on dw, this is a stevebucky fic. but, we got steve coming out and sarah being the great mama she is. also, yes there was Gaelic but i don’t know the language at all so i’m sorry if it’s completely fucking wrong. 
> 
> since it is the holidays, i may not be able to get the next chapter up in time for next week but i hope you all have an awesome time celebrating and i'll see u guys in the new year !! =)


	5. They’ll be here pretty soon, looking through my room for the money

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey !! sorry i didn't upload a chapter last week, it was NYE so i was very, very drunk and busy but i'm back with a new chapter and i hope ya'll had a great new years !! also, there's smut ! enjoy bucky's dirty mind and fantasies but no /real/ smut yet... that's coming later !
> 
> anyway, on with the gay !!

When Monday morning rolled around, Steve was dreading the off chance that Bucky actually shows up. His mind was still melting under the heat of Bucky's everlong personality and cute smile. He was also newly relieved that he'd come to a solid conclusion in himself and his ma accepted him. It'd been a long weekend.

Lo-and-behold Bucky did turn up, perfectly on time with a bounce in the ball of his foot. He was nervous, that much was obvious and it was equally obvious what he was nervous about. Last time Bucky set foot in these halls, things didn’t end so well. Just because Steve, on the off chance had caught feelings, doesn't mean Bucky did. He could have a boyfriend for all Steve knew, and he didn't know much about the man’s destination point or his theoretical one. But pondering what Bucky’s ideal endgame was was going to have to wait as Steve came face to face with the man himself.

"Hey! Didn't think you were gonna show up," Steve tried to ease in. He didn't want the well-regarded tension between them, he didn't want any of it. All he wanted was to help Bucky, maybe kiss him a little bit too.

"Yeah, well, I wan'ed to actually try with this whole 'gettin' better' thing. ’ve also got a sister who’s dreams are ridin’ on me gettin’ better so fucking this up ain’t an option,"

Steve couldn't control the smile that split his face - he was his bucky, in all his charm and determination to be the best of himself. It was just like the first day they'd met all over again except this time, both boys had blushes and butterflies.

"I'm proud of you Buck, I really am,"

It was Bucky's turn to blush, after all the time they'd spent together. Steve had been crowned the blusher of the two and now he deemed those tables turn. A scarred hand tried to console the pink on Bucky's cheeks but the damage had been done; Steve saw it and liked it.

"Well, let's not stand 'ere all day, teach me somethin' Mr. Rogers," Bucky outright drawled, the flirtation he harboured never once failing to bring Steve to his knees or become tied at his hands. He couldn't lie and say he didn't enjoy how red Steve got whenever he said anything slightly suggestive. "I'm here for a reason. Let's get this lesson goin'!"

Steve mumbled a giggle at the other boys antics, he was a puppy in a delinquents body. 

They surprising got a lot done before lunch, Steve had gone through at least one topic for each subject that was due to be done by lunch. Bucky paid obedient attention, like a soldier collecting orders from a general. Of course, there were inappropriate comments made from time to time - not that Steve cared all that much - but they were classically Bucky and that made him smile. 

When the lunch bell chimed in, Steve offered Bucky to sit with him at lunch. He rejected, fearful that he'd screw things up again despite Steve's insistence that he was welcome at their table anytime. However, Steve was grateful that this allowed him to converse with his friends about what he should do, both emotionally and situation-wise. He needed the advice on what to do as the problem at hand still wasn't fixed.

So as they parted ways, Steve remained glued to his position in order to see where Bucky was headed. When he left his field of vision, he gave up and walked straight, lecturing himself that Bucky was one, older than him and could care for himself and two, he didn't need Steve to fucking babysit him. All Bucky needed was his help at managing his learning and wielding his behaviour - a personal baby monitor was not part of the deal.

Steve made his way to the lunch hall, grabbed his food and sat between Thor and Tony. The tall blond next to him pulled him into a side hug that crushed his ribs with a "Hello Steven! How was the behavioural program?" and to which Steve replied "Much better than last week, that's for sure.”

Even Tony was surprised at that, he'd had a run in with the man himself and they didn't leave with the coziest feelings towards each other. 

"So... he's actually here?” Count on Loki for snide comments.

"How were the lessons?” Thank the God that made Sam normal.

"Have you dumbasses actually talked shit out yet?” That’s one way to put it Natasha…

"Guys! Okay, slow down. One question at a time," He huffed with a hand running through blonde strands of neatly cut hair. "Firstly, yes. Bucky is in school today. Secondly, the lessons were fine. He was his usual self. Left a note behind though, not sure if I should read it-"

"READ IT RIGHT NOW!" Scott chimed in, an excitable look, comparable to a puppy, on his face.

"Okay..." Steve cleared his thought and readied himself for the worst. "...Hey Stevie, you're'a curious one so I know you're gonna read this. Just wanted to say I'm sorry for monday, was outta line and while you played your part, mine was much louder. Hope we can drop this tense shit, cause I'm starting to get sweet on you Stevie," Bright red floods Steve's cheeks at that, confused as to what Bucky means by 'getting sweet on him'. It seemed like an old phrase, much older than both of them and probably long forgotten. He'll look it up later.

"Sweet on you? The fuck does that mean?" Tony quipped up, just as confused as Steve.

"I don't know, sounds old though," Steve replied.

"It's from the 1930s, maybe 40s? It means you're growing on him, he likes being around you so he’s making an effort to keep you around with “sweet” behaviour. Told you this was your chance to get laid." Natasha wiggled her eyebrows at Steve, demonstrating more knowledge on war periodic euphemisms than anyone at their table realised she had. 

On the other hand, Steve's face got even redder than it was before. The possibility of Bucky potentially returning the feeling that Steve discovered over the weekend, it was impossible - in Steve's mind at least. In the minds of his dear friends, the chance of mutually requited love between the two idiots was more than likely. They had suspected romance since before they even knew the other existed, especially Natasha. 

"Yeah right, he's probably just pulling my arm. Who in the fuck even says that anymore? Anyway, let me finish, he ain't done yet... I hope things go back to normal cause I miss it Stevie. Let me make it up to you. Also please reply to my text, you left me on fucking read. Bucky, followed by a definitely sarcastic kiss. He's a shit sometimes, I swear." He smiled down at the note. It was sweet, funny and  _ just so fucking Bucky. _

"You left him on read Steve? That's a dick thing to do, angry or not.” Scott poked at Steve's inability to be anything but awkward around hot guys. 

"Well... I was still angry at the time and... I don't know, he deserves better, I know. But I can't help but enjoy these little attempts at "getting me back" if you will. It's cute,"

A row of gasps erupted the table and jaws dropped, a chorus of teasing chatter picked up in an instant of Steve finally being open, slightly, about his feelings for this guy. Three voices at once screamed: "YOU LIKE HIM! YOU SO LIKE HIM! OH MY GOD!"

"Guys, guys, guys cool your jets. I’m don’t, like him that much…” Steve trailed off with a shy smile. He may be comfortable or half-way comfortable with the idea of being romantically invested in Bucky, but that doesn’t mean he’s happy with others knowing it. At least not yet. He’d like to keep this quiet, a dirty little secret until he and Bucky actually talk about it. And in Steve’s mind, that was never going to happen, so he was content to keep that information to himself. 

“Yeah, you don’t like him at all… you fucking  _ love _ him.” 

If Steve’s face could get any redder, you’d think it was a medical condition. But no, our patriotic virgin is just extremely susceptible to anything. Complimentary, embarrassing or otherwise. His skin just loved to show it’s blood colours, regardless of what Steve had to say about it.

“You guys are the worst,” and with that, the signal ring that the rest of their day was to begin in five minutes. Steve and his friends exchanged goodbyes and ‘see ya laters’ and went their separate ways. Steve’s stomach twisted in anxiety for the rest of the day ahead.

The rest of the day was spent with Bucky leaving various notes around the table, eyes practically begging for Steve to pick them up and take them home. And of course, in true love sick fashion Steve picked up every-single-one and cherished them. They were his lulls to sleep, the smile on his pinked face, the kick in his step. 

They meant everything to him.

Bucky had to rush out of school when the bell rang, something about picking up his little sister. Steve wasn’t entirely convinced on the subject but, who was he to judge? Steve was an only child and much by his parents choice. He’d never known any different. His ma used to always say that one visit to the delivery room was enough for her, but yet, Steve was forever envious of those who had siblings. It’d be nice to have someone close that lives with you, side your parents. Someone you grow up with and trust more than most. Steve had no other choice but to put that familial trust in his friends. He never resented his parents for it, he just wished things were different. But still, he made do with what he had.

Bucky was also making do with what he had. 

He wasn’t picking up his sister, sue him for lying. He got a bootycall from an old fuck and really, he just needed to get his rocks off. If he remembered well, the guy was somewhat similar to Steve. Not in build or height, but in feature and sass. Bucky had a type after all. He can definitely fuck with blondes.

He pulled up his bike to the house, old memories flashing in and out of his sub-conscience eyes. His left arm tensing at the anticipation of what he knew was coming. The guy was a good fuck, not much for an afterword or conversation. 

They’d had met at a party, saw each other out of the corner of their eyes and started pinning each other against the wall roughly. After a satisfying night, Bucky woke up to note with a number on it, telling him to call it if he ever wanted to do it again. No feelings were ever caught or made things messy. It was merely casual, the primal instinct to reproduce or the greedy voice in their heads seeking pleasure. There was nothing romantic about it. 

Now, with Steve thrown in the mix, Bucky finally had someone to think about, someone to lust after and long for while he was ploughing some twunk from behind. Bucky could pretend that it was Steve whining and keening under his arms, tattooed and not, holding him in place; only ever receiving what Bucky was giving. And oh God, was Bucky going to think about  _ that. _

He was greeted by a pair of blue eyes at the door. A duller shade than Steve’s but even the Caribbean ocean seemed lacking compared to the hue of Steve’s eyes to Bucky. He knew he was falling in deep, all too fast and not soon enough and this was finalising his fate. The final nail in the coffin. 

Bucky was shoved up against the wall, shortened breathes dusted over the other man’s lips. Tongues and teeth battle for dominance and as always, Bucky won with a pull at the other’s bottom lip. Moans, whimpers and other sex driven noises filled Bucky’s cock in this pants. He switched them around, lifted the other by the legs and carried him to the bedroom. 

Bucky imagined it was Steve who he was carrying, Steve who was kissing him like his life depended on it, Steve who was moaning like a whore from the rough intimacy between them. He imagined the look of pure lust and arousal as Bucky threw the other man on his bed. Legs spreading to accommodate Bucky, and Bucky’s thoughts wandered to Steve again.

Bucky wanted to see his eyes pool with tears of pleasure, nails rip nasty red welts that would be twice as angry by morning into his back, perfect red lips from biting down to keep his noises in. He wanted it all. He wanted Steve in any way he could get him, both sexually and romantically. He tried to avoid the fantasies with slow, loving touches and kind, poetic words. Bucky needed the hard and fast, rough and dirty to keep his cover standing. One slip up and the whole thing could go to shit.

They messed around for a couple hours before Bucky packed up his stuff, feeling well fucked-out and headed home. His bike, still in the same it was when he parked it, now grateful the guy lived in the good part of town. Luckily, Bucky’s house wasn’t too far away or he might’ve been screwed for coverage. His sister, Rebecca liked to keep tabs on him, whether that was by invading his privacy or not. She cared for him, just had a funny way of showing it. Although when it really came down to it, Bucky would trust his sister’s with his life and to have his back. Despite there being four of them, they were closely knit and got along famously. Him, Rebecca and Emily especially. It wasn’t Lilith’s fault that she was only 14. She’d catch up soon enough and then the Barnes’ children would take over the world, taking down anyone who stood against them. 

One the way back, Bucky sent Steve a message, asking if he’d seen the notes and what his thoughts were. He wasn’t entirely sure he’d get a reply considering the last time he’d sent a message to Steve. But puppy love willed it so and he sent the text without another thought. 

After parking his bike back in the garage, Bucky got out his keys and phone to unlock the door and text Steve again. He didn’t know why, but there was a comfort in the knowledge that Steve was getting these updates and apologies. Steve knew that Bucky actually felt bad and wanted to fix things, not like others who fuck up and don’t say anything. He wanted to best he could be, for Steve’s sake. He deserved better than some dickhead who doesn’t treat him right. 

And Bucky has full intention of making the shorter of the two feel like a fucking prince.

Steve’s phone buzzed with the sudden flow of messages swarming his inbox - all from Bucky. His face cracked a smile at the adorable attempts of making things better, as if he hadn’t been doing it all day. Steve had gotten home and rushed upstairs, desperate to read what Bucky had to say. They were all along the same lines of I’m sorry and let me make it up to you. Every single one making Steve blush like a 13 year old girl with a middle school crush and pushing Steve deeper into the pit that was Bucky Barnes. 

Steve replied to a few of them, and when he did Bucky started jumping around the room with joy. Dancing and doing finger guns, all making himself look like a twat to his secretly eyeing sisters who had heard all the banging coming from their only brother’s room. Both Emily and Rebecca had thought Bucky had brought someone over, but the site they were greeted with only made the giggles harder to conceal. Lilith on the other hand was just happy to see Bucky so energetic and care-free. It’d been awhile since she hadn’t seen him in some sort of slump, a constant aggressive frown on his face. The replacing smile and pale pink cheeks were more than welcome in Lilith’s eyes. She loved seeing him so happy. Bucky had kept his promise, he was getting better.

The whole exchange between the two left both feeling dizzy with excitement for the day ahead.


	6. I'm too young to go to jail

What would you do if your parents were out of town visiting friends, taking your little sisters with them, leaving you and your older sister who have similar interests on your own? If the answer's not throw the biggest party Brooklyn has ever seen, you're nothing like Bucky.

The last four months had been incredible, him and Steve had grown closer without a single set back. There'd been laughter and tears; opening up but no shutting down; progress. Plus, the amount of side eye they'd been giving each other was enough to make anyone figure it out. They even texted relentlessly over the Christmas break and had a sizeable reunion in the new year. They liked each other, it was fucking obvious, except to the two idiots actually in the middle. Both were clueless to how the other felt and it became painfully to any passing witness. Both Natasha and Rebecca were ready to kill them if they didn't pick up the pace soon. In the words of the wise: change the song, it's getting boring. It’s fucking February now, they met in October.

So, Bucky decided to throw a loop for their relationship. He still had no clue what Steve's stance on big parties was, but he only assumed that what Steve didn't know won't hurt him. Bucky was just looking to celebrate in the only way he knew how: getting completely fucked.

God bless Emily and her fake ID for getting them the booze; she was willing to help as long as she could join in and bring some friends. To which Bucky replied "Of fucking course, the more the merrier," It was going to be a good night. Most of senior year was turning out and even some college students looking for a quick high. Bucky Barnes' parties are straight from hell: full of sin, sex and drugs. The police were called every time but he never got caught. Well, except for this one time. Practice makes perfect, he guesses.

Emily had bought an entire liquor store, Bucky had picked up the main ingredient to his good time and they were ready to go. The party was set to start at 9pm, but the place was flooded by 8:30pm. A combination of drum n' bass and other rave classics vibrated the walls, pissing off the neighbours already. By 10pm, Bucky had a nose full of MDMA and blood full of tequila. He was in his element.

The air was thick with smoke of different kinds, some of it cigarettes, some of it weed. There baggies littering the coffee table both empty and half empty - ready for stealing in order for a free high. Empty cups dominated the accent tables and floor. This was gonna be a bitch to clean but he would have help. Bodies swayed and grinded to the rhythm of the music. Some practically having sex in front of everyone, some just feeling themselves. Others were either in bedrooms, the back garden or in the hallway and kitchen. All varying degrees of fucked up or drunk. Some, like Bucky, both.

Despite his intoxicated state, his mind still drifted to Steve, wanting to share the fun with him. The still slightly sober part of him reminded the fact that Steve was uncomfortable in "dangerous" places. And Bucky's parties were anything but safe. At least two of the emergency services were needed every time and all for the wrong reasons. He was going to either be in his bed, a holding cell or a hospital bed by the end of the night.

He couldn't wait.

Steve, however, was tearing his hair out with stress. Sam and Tony were supposed to text him that they were okay an hour ago and they still hadn't. He knew they'd be drinking but he also knew how Tony was with drugs. He'd had a bad relationship with ketamine a year ago and was proudly sober of it for six months. He hoped to God that it wasn't ruined in one night. He was also worried about Bucky. He usually texted Steve around this time to ask what he was up to. Today, Steve got no text of the sort. Radio silence, nothing. It was times like these he wished he knew where Bucky lived. He knew that he didn't live in the bad part, his house actually being decent and somewhat middle class. But you can't just go off that, he needed an address, not an idea.

He tried to think of who he knew that knew Bucky at all. Natasha had said that she knew him from middle school, spending a couple classes with him and being somewhat friends. They fell out when Bucky started his descent into madness. She might know where he lives!

Steve opened his messages between him and Natasha and quickly started typing. He got his answer in a couple minutes and he jumped in his car. Steve just prayed Bucky was okay, not in some fight or arguing his way through the night. He hoped he was sober. Steve knew about his past with substance abuse and begged anyone above he hadn't done anything stupid tonight.

Whoever was up there must've been feeling like hell when Steve arrived at Bucky's door.

In front of Steve was an ocean of teens and young adults alike dancing, screaming and drinking. He already felt a stone drop in his stomach.  _ Bucky... _

Steve navigated his way through the sea of high bodies, in search of the man of the hour. He was hopefully at a friends house and this was his sister's party. Steve could only hope. And that hope was shattered the second he saw Bucky doing a line off some guy's chest, washed down with a shot of what Steve can only assume was vodka. He was frozen in place, unable to comprehend the site before him. His help hadn't helped  _ at all _ and Steve was seeing just how easy it was for Bucky to fall into old habits. But he wanted to help, Steve wouldn't give up that quick.

He grabbed Bucky by the shirt and pulled him away from the crowd, ignoring to boos and "yeah Bucky! get em'!"s that followed behind them. Bucky could hardly believe what he was seeing, his mind doubting the new drug in his system. Steve would never be here, he didn't even know where he lived.

"Steve?" his voice slurred with a mixture of illegal substances. He hated the sound that came out as soon as it appeared.

"Yeah! It's me! What the fuck are you doing Bucky? You're supposed to be getting better, not shoving yourself deeper in the hole!"

"I'm... 'm sorry... we'd had such’a... good time... i wan'ed t'a celebrate..." Tears pooled in Steve's eyes are he realised this was all Bucky knew. A few months of fun wasn't going to reverse years of conditioning.

"Then you celebrate it with me! Not this! This... this isn't progress Bucky! This is the old you! Not the Bucky I know. Not the Bucky I love!" That wasn't supposed to come out,  _ SHIT! wait, WHAT? I DON'T... FUCK! _

Bucky only blinked in return, seemingly unaware of what had just happened. The rage bubbled under Steve's skin and he suddenly couldn't stop his body's movements.

**Smack.**

"So after everything, that's it? See you monday James..."

And with that, Steve stormed out of the party. To Bucky, out of his life. Bucky momentarily fell against the kitchen counter, trying to regain his balance. It took him second but when he did, he was on his feet pushing. He needed to get to Steve, needed to say “No! I love you too, please…” However, by the time that Bucky reached the door, Steve had already taken off. 

“Fuck…” Bucky whispered, pulling a hand through his hair.

He really needed to fix this and quickly before anymore damage was done. He now had two choices: sober up, try and find steve. Or, carry on like nothing happened and call Steve in the morning. Well, since today was the day of bad decisions, Bucky drank to the pain in his chest and carried on. Like a fucking idiot. He carried on talking and kissing and charming people but everyone who looked in his eyes saw he wasn’t feeling it. Bucky wanted to be somewhere else but here he was, living it up with MDMA in his nose. As the hours passed, Bucky just grew more numb. 

Numb, blurred and...

In the back of a police car.  _ Fuck... _ one of the neighbours had called the cops again and this time, Bucky got caught. Beside him were two guys he'd maybe seen before. One he sort of recognised, the other, not so.

"Great party Barnes'" said one of the two beside him. He had brown hair that was tangled and pointing in 15 different directions. He knew him... what was his name...? Tony! Oh, that grade A dickhead, great.

"Pleasure was all mine Stark,"

Tony's eyes widened as he didn't realise that Bucky even remembered him. He smiled either way because he was high off his ass. It had been a great night.

"Guys, we should be quiet until the station, whatever we say can be held against us if someone presses charges." The other boy spoke up. He had dark eyes, almost buzz cut short hair and a cute gap in his teeth.

"I don't believe we've met," and Bucky held out his hand to shake. The other shook it strongly and Bucky couldn't help but wonder if he was bi... he was damn hot for a senior.

"Good to meet you too, finally,"

"Finally? Whatcha on about?"

"Steve, he's my friend. Talks about ya a lot. Got quite the eye for you," And on cue, an overwhelming guilt filled Bucky's stomach, pushing the copious amount of alcohol up his throat, threatening to ruin the car seats in front of him. "Hey man, you okay?"

Bucky pulled himself together, swallowed down the bile rising in his throat and smiled. He nodded his head, scared to speak in case he wasn't safe yet. He thinks Sam caught on to this as he turned back to face the front screen of the car. Tony seemed too comfortable in those car seats. Curiosity killed the cat after-all.

"Lookin' real at home there Stark,"

Tony just laughed as one of the officers spoke for him, "Yeah, ol' Tony here's got a thing for getting like this, though we thought we'd seen the last of him since he went clean six months ago. Guess the pair of you can't stay away. And while we're flattered, we're thinking about your futures and protecting the rest of society from you idiots. What's your name son?" The final question pointed at Sam. He was reluctant to until the other officer spoke up.

"Don't worry, they'll ask you the same question at the station. Plus, we both know Bucky and Tony well. We ain't here to give you trouble."

"Officer Coulson?" Both Bucky and Tony were shocked at the man in the passenger seat. They both thought they'd never see him again and were both happy to know he was here.

"Yeah, it's me. Heard that there was trouble at the Barnes' house and knew that either one of you punks were there. Had to make sure one of my guys didn't give you any trouble. Mostly to avoid you guys tryna fight an officer. Lookin' at you Buck," Bucky ducked his head down and raised his hands just above his head, in a giggly disciplined way. He knew Officer Coulson was just poking fun, he'd never make fun of Bucky with bad intention.

"Right on time as always Phil,"

"It's officer right now, kid. Wait until later, then we can catch up. You've been out of the game for months. I'm impressed," He finished with a smile.

"Yes sir!" he laughed back. He saw Officer Coulson mumble something and smiled wider anyway. Bucky was a little shit when high off his ass.

"You didn't answer my question son, I'm not one of those cops whose blindly racist. You were causing trouble like those two and now we gotta take ya to the station. It's better we get t'a know ya now. Unless you wanna do that at the station..."

"The name's Sam and thank you. Get kinda antsy around cops, but ya'll seem alright. If Tony likes you, that's good enough for me."

"You don't know Bucky?" Officer Coulson implanted. Surely everyone knew Bucky...

"Nah, just met the guy actually. All I know is that he knows how't'a have fun. Good looking too," Sam winked for extra effect. Bucky felt his cheeks flare, embarrassed to be flirting in front of Coulson but also because Sam was  _ really really hot _ .

"Alright you two, keep it in your pants. I may be bi but I don't wanna see my friend bone some guy I barely know. Not into voyerism," Tony quipped up. Everyone in the car laughed, including the officers. Bucky thanked God that he had the good ones come to the scene. He knows this could've gone  _ very  _ differently.

They cracked a few more jokes until they pulled up to the station. Then it was time to put on their 'serious faces' and get put through the system. Bucky and Tony got through it with ease, having done this all before. Sam took a little longer because he was new; but got through the process soon enough.

Officer Coulson escorted them to their joint holding cell and gave them some water to help sober them up, he'd start questioning in the morning; if Stark's parents didn't get involved before then.

While the Sam, Tony and Bucky show were living it up in the back of a police car, Steve was shaking and screaming in frustration in his room. Sarah was out, trusting Steve on his own because she knew he could care for himself. What she didn't know was that Steve was having a mental breakdown, curled up on his bed. He'd confessed to Bucky.

Not only had he confessed, but Bucky was off his face on whatever drugs he'd taken that night. Bucky was also piss drunk - the whole night was a colonic. Natasha was blowing up his phone, apologising and something else. Something about Sam and Tony.

When a call finally came through, Steve picked up. "Hey Nat,"

"Steve! You scared me,”

"Yeah, well, I'm fine. Anything on Bucky or Sam and Tony?"

"That's what I'm calling about. All three of them got arrested,"

Steve wanted to scream. It's his job to make sure Bucky stays out of prison and here he is down at the station, probably in a holding cell. Not only that, but Steve’s best friends had been roped in as well. He knew Tony would be fine, he'd been through the system before but Sam. Sam had never been arrested before and Steve didn't want him to get kicked off his teams just because he was looking for fun in the wrong place.

"Fuck, are they okay?" He was worried beyond comprehension. His eyes reacting as so, leaking salted tears down his face and his bottom lip taking a beating from his teeth. "How much trouble are they in?"

"I don't know all the details, just got caught with drugs on them. They're down at the station if you wanna visit. They shouldn't be in too deep but they'll wanna know how they got their hands on said drugs. I'm so sorry Steve. I know Bucky means a lot to you," Nat tried to comfort him, but it just made him worse. Bucky was  _ his _ responsibility - if Bucky fucks up, it's reflected on him. Steve couldn't give less of a shit about his reputation, but he did about Bucky's. He wanted him to be more accepted in the community, but he was making it really fucking hard when he goes and pulls stunts like this.

"I think I'm just gonna go to sleep. It's been a long ass night,"

"Amen to that. Hope you feel better soon Steve and remember,"

"What?"

"No matter what happens, you'll always have me,"

He could practically hear the sincere smile at the other end of the phone. 

A warm feeling spread through Steve as he felt supported, like if he were to fall, Natasha would be there to catch him. Steve was so grateful he had Natasha as his best friend.

"Thank you, I'm always here for you too,"

"Night Steve,"

"Night Nat," and he hung up. 

Steve opened his messages and clicked on the texts between him and Bucky. They were all so sweet and caring, Bucky constantly worrying about Steve's safety and happiness. He was one of the most sweet guys he'd ever met. It was kinda impossible for Steve to resist him. All he could think about was how amazing a boyfriend Bucky would've made. His ma would absolutely love him, not like she already didn't.

But, the tears welled again at the pure sugar of the texts. Steve just wanted Bucky to be okay, not high as fuck or intoxicated. He wanted his Bucky, but his Bucky wasn't around at the moment. His Bucky was in a cage of substance abuse and underage drinking.

So Steve held his phone to his chest, letting the words fall over him to comfort him. This was the best he was gonna get at this point; he felt as if he'd failed Bucky. He'd swore that he'd help him get his life back and now Bucky's in a holding cell, waiting to be questioned with two of Steve's best friends.

Steve just hoped to God that they didn't get into too much trouble. Praying that they were released in the morning with a kick up the ass for being reckless. A man could only hope.

And with his worry eating him alive, Steve fell asleep with Bucky's texts clutched against his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah okay, not sorry about Bucky and his nose full of mandy but !! samtonybucky interactions bc that's a trio i needed !! next chapter next week is lowkey a filler one but oh well. i'm sorry, i keep getting ur hopes up but good things do come to those who wait and this is a slowburn :)
> 
> see ya !!


	7. It's kinda funny...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey !! sorry i didn't post for like two weeks, my mental health has been all over the place and between being manic and depressed, I haven't really thought about posting but to make up for it, here's two chapters at once !! i'll next you guys next week with chapter 9 !!
> 
> enjoy !

Steve didn't get a wink of sleep that night, his mind flicking between being livid at Bucky or being worried. He couldn't decide on which to be or which would even help. When it got to 4am, Steve just gave up on sleep. He knew he couldn't swing it and he'll feel like hell in the morning. And really, a boy shouldn't be having this affect on him, but it wasn't just him. It was his friends too.

Now Steve's brain had landed on angry again. Bucky had not only gotten himself into trouble, but his friends as well; one of them being a recovering addict with an obsessive personality. It was like Bucky had said 'fuck you' and thrown Tony in the deep end when he wasn't ready. Or he was, and Tony had refused to confide in Steve, despite his desperate attempts to help him.

Tony and Steve had a long and complex relationship. Half the time people either thought they hated each other or were in a long term, well developed relationship. That wasn't the case either way, they were close - closer than most of their other friends. They held an understanding which lent itself in the best way possible. Tony could help Steve and vice versa in a way no one else offered. Sure, Steve had had a small crush on Tony in the past, but it left as soon as it came. Tony and him wouldn't have worked, no matter how hard they'd try. They were meant to be friends and nothing more. Plus, Tony loved his girlfriend: Pepper. She was perfect for him, she kept his head on straight and stood with him through all his chaos. Pepper was for Tony what Steve hoped to be for Bucky. A partner and support system. Can laugh and fool around with but when the trauma comes knocking, he's there with open arms and open heart. Pepper was a saint really. Tony deserved her and she deserved him. If they didn't get married, Tony would be hearing from Steve's lawyer.

There was Sam as well. Sam was one of Steve's closest friends, they'd known ever for  _ years _ . Sam was Steve's right-hand man, they were together through everything. Even when Sam's best friend, Riley, died in a plane crash, Steve was at his side. So naturally, whenever Sam got in trouble or did something slightly out of character, Steve had to know why and was usually the first person to know. Right now was supposed to be no different, but it was. Sam was never really the type to be outlandish in public spaces, he was sarcastic and outgoing yes - but not loud or annoying. And now here he was at a police station for the first time and Steve had no clue as to why. He doubted that Sam would take or buy any drugs, but last night was full of surprises and changes in character. Everyone seemed to show their true colours. He didn't know what to think anymore.

Steve had said he'd go visit them in the morning, but now the morning was here, he really didn't want to. If he were to go, it'd be for Tony and Sam. Just not Bucky. His brain was boiling up all types of anger and other nasty emotions to throw at Bucky's face. If he wanted to celebrate, he should've contacted Steve, not gotten arrested. This was his fault; And Steve had no problem giving Bucky the cold shoulder.

From now on, he promptly decided, that during the program he'd only reply with short blunt sentences. Giving Bucky the information he needs and nothing more. Steve was done chasing after dreams that will never meet him in the middle. Bucky was just one of those dreams, beautiful up close but never in reach. A handsome never-to-be-yours. He hated it, but it was the fact of the situation. Bucky Barnes would never like Steve Rogers in a romantic light.

X.X.X.X

“What the fuck are you doing Wilson?”

Bucky’s eyes tried to piece together the scene he’d just been awoken to. Tony was rubbing his temples, lying down on the bench they called a bed for the night. His eyes squinting with confusion at the other character in the shared space; Bucky was just as confused as Tony was. Because there, in the middle of the cell, was Sam doing press-ups like he didn’t have a hangover from hell like the other two did; Bucky even more worse off with an MDMA come down as well to deal with. 

“You guys might be cool with sleeping in till the next day but I gotta keep my shit together for college, that includes working out no matter what. Some of us got thighs to build,” Sam answered casually.

“You’re a weird one Wilson,” Tony replied, groaning and rubbing his temples in continued attempt to ease his splitting headache.

Everything about this situation was shit and it was mostly Bucky’s fault. He was sighing silent prayers that Emily comes to bail his ass out at some point today, the last he needed was to be stuck between four walls he promised he’d never see again. And he needed to talk to Steve, he’d fucked up  _ big time _ this time and Bucky was in sore need of the best game plan you’ve ever seen.

“You alright there Buckaroo? You seem angry,” Tony didn’t even open his eyes, Bucky’s presence just radiated regret.

"I fucked up man, I fucked up bad. He's never gonna like me. He deserves some handsome prince or princess that won't get HIGH AT THE FIRST OPPORTUNITY!” Cracks bled from where Bucky had punctuated his sentence with his fist in the wall.

“Oi! Those walls don’t come cheap and ‘m sure they ain’t gonna thank ya for breaking ‘em!” Most likely Officer Coulson lectured. Maybe Bucky’s abuse was uncalled for but it relived him of some of the tension and got Tony out of bed. A silver-lining perhaps.

“Yeah, cool it man! Look, I get that you’re upset and you feel guilty about it but c’mon, the wall didn’t do nothing wrong and neither did your knuckles. Take a breather big guy,” Circles rotated around Bucky’s back, forcing his mind to focus and calm his breathing. Tony’s full attention to the man beside him.

The adrenaline dropped and the pain raced towards Bucky’s hand, aching something fierce. He hissed at heat that engulfed them and tried to move them. They moved okay - not broken - but would need to rest up. Bucky rubbed the inside of his hand with a sour, disappointed face. He’d been reckless and stupid - like always. His anger reared it’s stubborn head and made his rationality take a back seat. That’s usually how he ended up with half the scars he has, impulsivity and recklessness. A stoic face hiding the pain until it grew aggressive.

“I don’t know what t'a do Stark, I fucked everything up for good this time. I should’a just arranged t’a do something with ‘im, let my sister have her college fun. He seemed… angry, really angry. And disappointed, like’a kicked puppy. I can’t remember a’lot of what he said… I think he said something along the lines of ‘You’re just making shit worse, this isn’t you,’ etc. I think he called me  _ James _ at one point, he never calls me that, said it sounds too formal. I bet he fuckin’ hates me now,” Bucky's head fell with the tone in his voice, “Wouldn’t blame ‘im all that much either,”

“Well, I gotta say, knowing Steve he’s probably really pissed on the surface but deep down he’s just hella worried about you. But, obviously, he’s still mega pissed at you. I’d say give it a couple-a-days. Text him, call him, ask him to come over and talk it out with him. I’ve known Steve since middle school, he’s a sucker for a kind heart. Especially those that make actual attempts at making things better. You’ll be fine. You’re just lucky he’s got’a thing thing for you. Otherwise you would be fucked,” Tony laughed, seemingly unfazed by Bucky’s concerns or self-deprecation. That kinda response can be formed from anything and Bucky wasn’t about to start prying some guy he’s just started to get along with.

“Tony’s right, give it a couple days, talk to him, take Steve on a date- whatever it takes to get back in his good books. Then you can both stop pinning over each other and the world doesn’t kill itself with the frustration of ‘are they gonna finally get together or just eye fuck until they die?’.” Sam added as he stood up, clearly done working out and now interested in where the conversation was going. 

“Stevie ain’t got’a thing for me, youse guys are just pullin’ my tail. How the fuck can mister perfect have a thing for a guy who’s more trouble than he’s worth?”

“We’re his friends, dick-for-brains. We’re also not blind. Or stupid. Nat started a betting pool for when you idiots finally confess. Steve is constantly talking about you, constantly showing us texts between you two, just constantly infatuated with you. He’s harbouring a serious crush on you dude, believe us,” Sam insisted. He seemed desperate to make the point that both were being stupid and oblivious. Also that they so very needed to sort their shit out before people started screaming.

“Hey! I’m kinda smart  _ Wilson _ , and I got that youse are friends. I just didn’t realise he… talked… about me. No one does that unless it’s about how many times ’ve been to juvie or who ’ve fucked. Just kinda a shock… youse really think I should go for it?”

Both Tony and Sam sat up straighter simultaneously, completely taken aback from Bucky’s final point. Was he actually going to ask Steve out? Either heaven loved to grant the occasional miracle or something finally fell into place with Bucky. Their eyes widened and their jaws fell lightly slack.

“I’m sorry,  _ WHAT _ ?” They sounded together, keeping in perfect unison due to the shock.

“Should I go for it? You guys know Steve better than I do, if I waited it out for’a couple’a days, would he say yes?” There was a shyness in Bucky’s voice that was new to both Sam and Tony. He was supposed to a criminal in the making and here he was, blushing nervousness because he’s scared to ask out his crush. Sam smacked himself a couple times to check he wasn’t still drunk.

Tony, on the other hand, was snapped into action. His protective-of-Steve side taking over and sliding the normal part of himself the finger. “Okay Lover boy, if you do decide to ask our Capsicle out, where would you take him?”

“Um… probably to the movies or go to a bowling alley or something fun, I want ‘im t’a have a good time,” Bucky answered with both semi-fear and confidence. Tony was moderately scary when he flashed his dark side. Whether it be stemming from good intentions or not.

“Are you the gentleman type?” Came the next question. This was building with interrogation bricks and Bucky was starting to reconsider if it was worth getting his ass kicked if shit hit the fan.

“I like to think so…” 

Bucky’s nerves were rising by the second, Stark is a scary ass motherfucker, despite being 5’9 and having two thirds of the muscle mass of Bucky. This was Steve’s best friend so… he had to be up to Tony’s standards or he’s not gonna get a look in.

“I’m just fucking with you, from what I’ve heard, you’re actually super nice so I’m cool with you. Just don’t hurt Steve, or I swear to God you’ll be swallowing your own balls for a week. Got it buddy?” Tony was smiling but it was empty, the kind that made you gulp and internally shit your pants.

“Yessir,” Bucky smirked with a salute. He was starting to warm up to Stark, despite their colourful past - to say the least. 

“So… ya’ll are not gonna kill each other? Cool, cool,” Sam slowly stood from where he sat, hands raised in surrender and eyes alert. Poor guy must’ve thought an actual fight would break out.

“Nah, all good ‘ere pal. Both’a youse are actually pretty decent guys,” Bucky was feeling lighter than he was an hour ago. Feeling as though he’d made some good friends, friends outside the Howlies that maybe he could trust. Stark may take some more time getting used to but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. Both were a laugh and they had some common interests. Maybe Bucky should take Steve up on that lunch offer once in a while…

The thought of Steve brought his high back to a low again. He’d still fucked up and Steve still hated his guts. He wasn’t being lunch buddies with him anytime soon, let alone scoring a date with him. Bucky was fucked.

“What’s with the long face Bucky? You looked like you were feeling better,” Concern laced Sam’s voice, curiosity also playing a small part in that as well. Bucky was starting to smile and now that stoic frown was back. Bucky was growing on Sam quite a bit and he didn’t like when anyone was down. His heart driving with both hands, dying to help him out.

“Just thinking about how I fucked things up with Steve, what if he don’t wanna be friends at all anymore, never mind having any actual feelings for me. I’m in over my head,”

“Hey, you haven’t fucked things up completely. He’s got feelings for you - that’s a definite. Guy won’t shut up about you for the life of him. Steve’s been a lot more happy as well, smiling to himself and blushing more than usual. Plus whenever we bring you up, it’s like he can’t stop himself. When he came out as bi to us, he said there was this guy who made him sure. Said he had long hair and was built like a brick shit house. We all knew he was talking about you.” Sam started smiling at the memory with fondness, a pride spreading across his chest, “Like Tony said, give it a couple days, text him, call him, take him out or something and shit will clear it’s mess up. You two got something special. I don’t believe in soulmates but maybe you guys were supposed to meet. You can’t ignore something like that,”

Bucky pondered the thought over a few times, it would make sense. No matter what happens, they always seem to come back to each other and Bucky’s known Steve all of five months. Maybe things would turn out alright, maybe Bucky will finally get his fairytale ending that he’d been searching for with… No, Steve is nothing like that dickhead. He’s sweet, kind, caring, passionate, as stubborn as a tree in the road and fuelled by a righteousness Bucky had yet to see in anyone else. Nothing like  _ him.  _

He took a breath in, exhaled. “You’re probably right, thanks man,”

“No problem buddy, now let’s get the fuck outta here, I’m losing my damn mind in this cell,” Sam huffed.

“That’s why I’m here,” Bucky knew that voice instantly.  _ Thank God for Emily Barnes _ .

“Em! Thank fuck you’re here. Take us home, I got a guy to woo,” Bucky jumped to his feet, startling everyone in and outside the room.

“Alright Romeo, slow your ropes, let’s get you guys checked and dismissed and I’ll drop you all home. Free of charge. I won’t tell Ma or Pop about this either Bucks,” Emily reassured the three teenage boys, smiling with a power that they all envied. 

They followed her out, making small conversation throughout the process of being released. Tony’s parents were there waiting for him, Howard fuming in the seat he sat in - his mother just looking disappointed but understanding of her son. He ended up going off with them, mostly certain Howard wouldn’t rip him a new one for the trouble he’d caused. Sam was dropped off outside his parents house, Emily came handy with a lie as to why he was out all night and back home in the afternoon. She’d done this for Bucky too many times not to be an expert by now. Sam thanked her for the ride and disappeared inside his house as Emily pulled out from the Wilson’s front drive. 

The ride back to the Barnes’ house was full of Emily asking about this “boy who my baby brother is gonna woo because if I’m gonna be an auntie, I wanna know my future brother-in-law” to which Bucky replied with a middle finger. He still went off about Steve, chatting Emily’s ear off with puppy love and a smile splitting his cheeks. When he got the chance, Bucky sent Steve a quick text saying that he was safe, out of his holding cell and that he was sorry about last night. He also thanked him for caring enough to come and see him. That he was thankful to have someone like Steve in his life and that he hoped that their relationship wasn’t lost.

What he didn’t know was that Steve had been checking his phone every minute since Tony had texted him saying they were all safe and home. Sure, he was still mighty pissed but he couldn’t help the worry that Bucky had yet to text him when both Sam and Tony had.

So when his phone pinged with a new message from ‘ _ hot guy with the hair’  _ he dropped his phone in hesitate to reply. Fingers tripping over themselves, hands shaking and body in fight or flight mode. The text itself was long, sweet and unapologetically apologetic. It brought a smile to his face and warmth to his stomach; he was forgiving Bucky already. 

The text itself was very ambiguous as to the way Bucky felt about Steve, left entirely up to Steve’s interpretation of what Bucky meant by “I’d hate to see someone who means so much to me and has helped me so much disappear from me”. He wanted to believe that it meant that his feelings were requited, not as one-sided as he’d first thought. But the insecure part of him insisted that Bucky was too good for him, he deserved someone so much better and with more to offer.

Whatever his heart was debating, it stood weakly against Steve going over the message with a smile on his face and thinking about it for the rest of the day. 

Maybe, just maybe, there was a chance that things will work for them. 


	8. Maybe it's in the gutter where I left my lover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sexy times are upon us 👀👀
> 
> enjoy !

Steve wasn’t expecting the knock at the door when he got it; it was a Saturday and he had no plans. All his friends were either busy or couldn’t be assed to do anything that day, claiming it a day of kicking about or rest. Steve was happy to abide by it being a day of rest. So when the door rattled with a heavy knock, he was startled to say the least. His ma had picked up an extra shift at the hospital so he was home alone, lounging on the sofa in his U.S.A boxers (in true patriotic style). Someone above must’ve known this was to happen because Steve found a pair of sweats on the floor next to him. He pulled them on quickly, completely disregarding whether for not they were backwards, and opened the door.

He slammed the door immediately when he saw who it was.

Bucky was standing there, shy, hesitant smile gracing his face, a storm in his eyes and all. Looking like hell on wheels (like _ always _ ) while Steve stood there in sweatpants with no shirt on. It was an embarrassment on Steve’s side to say the least. He’d not seen Bucky for nearly three weeks now except for school; texting on and off, promising this and promising that. He’d not expected the man to surprise him with a box of pizza and _ three DVDs, maybe? _ He didn’t really get a look in before his brain hit override. 

Steve yelled a quick “Gimme a minute!” and raced up the stairs, skipping two to three at a time, cutting the distance into thirds. He pulled something more, suitable - if you will - on and made his way down stairs; desperately trying to blow the blush out of his cheeks.

When he opened the door again, Bucky was stamping out a cigarette end and clearing away the damage it had caused to Steve’s front porch. Bucky’s head jolted back toward Steve, gaining his full attention. Like he didn’t want to miss a damn thing that Steve did. Bucky was also the first to speak up.

“Hey! Um, are you doing anythin' today? I hope I didn’t disturb anything…” He bowed his head in potential shame, preparing for the consequences that could ensure.

“No! I was just… watching a movie,” Steve cast his gaze towards his feet, trying to find something that would be more interesting than the man before him. “Wanna come watch with me? Be a shame to waste good pizza, depending on what you got,”

Steve had earned himself a laugh for that one. It was shy, shaking and lacked confidence. Nothing like the larger-than-life Bucky he was used to.

“Got a ‘alf and ‘alf. Your favourite ’n’ mine.”

“Then don’t keep me waiting, I want my pizza bitch!” Steve waved Bucky inside and walked towards the living room. Spared a glance over his shoulder to check Bucky was following in-tow and sure enough he was; shaking his head and chuckling to himself. Words fell from his lips that Steve wasn’t close enough to catch but they seemed fond. He shouldn’t need to worry about them.

Once they reached the living room, Steve told Bucky to take a seat while he grabbed some plates. Bucky returned the statement with a comment on “what kind of heathen eats pizza from plates? Men eat from the box” to which Steve replied “Heathens eat from the box, gentlemen eat from plates. You’re not good at this gentleman charm thing, are you?” to which Bucky got very offended. It ended with Bucky wrapped around Steve on the couch, both laughing and blushing. 

“I’m still angry at you, y’know,” The blow was lessened by his laughter but it still struck panicked wires in Bucky’s stomach. His stomach in his throat and his heart in his ass, he didn’t know what to say. Sure, he hadn’t expected a few choice words to fix everything, but it was the pure bluntness of Steve’s words that winded him.

“Yeah, I wasn’t expectin’ it t’a be all cream and peaches again. But, please know that I am real sorry,”

Bucky hoped the faux, sarcastic puppy eyes helped his case some, bringing about some laughter instead of another smack in the face.

“Well,” Steve started, a playful glint sparking in his eyes. “May-be~ you can make it up me with movies and pizza. Depending on what you’ve brought,”

Bucky’d brought over The Breakfast Club, Steve wasn’t surprised in the slightest, knowing Bucky’s obsession with 80s movies; claiming they were ‘the only good movies’. He’d never seen this one before so Steve decided to watch what he was given. If Bucky loved it, it had to be good. 

He put the DVD into the player and pressed play when title menu appeared. The first scene caught Steve’s attention, drawing him into the world that played out for him. What the movie distracted Steve from noticing was the longing eyes of the man sitting next to him. Steve really did have no fucking clue that Bucky been harbouring a crush on him since they first met in October; it was the last days of February now.

Every word Steve said, every opinion he had, every remark he made, the things he did, the way he fucking breathed called to Bucky constantly. The older of the two was slowly falling in deep, feet slowly cemented in the sugar of their connection. But no matter what, Bucky never tried to halt or discourage these feelings. It was the first good thing he’d felt in months and he wasn’t giving up on it now. If Steve never returned the feelings and Bucky was left heartbroken, so fucking be it in Bucky’s eyes. Bucky liked Steve a whole lot and he liked how he made him feel. It was safe feelings, while the butterflies were there, they weren’t aggressive or made him sick. They tickled him and brought a softness to his chest that Bucky wanted to stay forever. Steve was everything to Bucky. He felt safe.

It took Steve around 30 minutes to realise Bucky wasn’t watching the movie, nor had he touched any of the pizza. Their bodies were close, shoulders pressed together by accident and when Steve turned his head, Bucky’s gaze didn’t break. It only drifted down to his lips, installing Bucky to lick his. Steve’s cheeks lit up in shades of pink, as they always did around Bucky. But what Steve could have never had expected or prepared for was Bucky inching forward and cancelling the distance between them.

The younger’s eyes widened then fell shut, shock then comfort taking it’s course through the blood in his veins at the kiss he was receiving. Steve’s hands snaked up around Bucky’s neck and in turn, Bucky placed his hands on Steve’s waist. Each kiss before the last was better, the first being a bit clumsy on Steve’s end - having not been kissed since he was 12. And that was in a game of true or dare. However, he quickly got the gist of it, coming back each time more eager than the last.

Bucky pulled Steve closer, leading the whole ordeal, deepening the kiss and pressing himself closer to Steve. Steve, despite being a massive virgin, ran off instinct, moving forward and straddling Bucky on the couch. As time crawled or raced on, neither were sure, their breathing grew heavier, hands wandered more, Steve moaning softly against Bucky’s mouth.

Bucky remembered that Steve had never done anything like this before, he took extra care to be gentle, not get ahead of himself and to ask: “Hey, are you sure of what’s happening?”

Steve whined as Bucky pulled away, not wanting to miss a single thing Bucky was willing to give him. He may have been a virgin but he wasn’t a stranger to the euphoria of arousal - he’d gotten himself off many times before his sexual tension with Bucky started and even more times since it had begun.

Steve smiled at the question. No matter what Bucky did, he was always sweet and gentle with Steve, never pushing him to do something he wasn’t comfortable with. And yeah, he was still fuming with Bucky over the whole drug thing, but with him looking at Steve like he was his whole world, Steve melted all things nasty in his head away. Only ever wanting to give Bucky everything in this moment.

“We’re making out on my couch and if you want to, my bed is upstairs…” Steve’s eyes trailed off in a tease, playing coy.

“Steve, are you sure you want to do this? You are a virgin after all…”

“James Buchanan Barnes, if you don’t fuck me today I will cut both your dick and balls off.” He said with lethal seriousness. Steve refused to die a virgin and despite his catholic upbringing, he wasn’t gonna wait until marriage when the opportunity was right here with a guy who looked like sex on legs.

“You could’a just said yes…” Bucky laughed. 

And with that, Bucky wrapped his arms under Steve’s ass and picked him up with ease. Bucky’s lips were on Steve’s neck in a second and Steve let out his second noise of the afternoon. His hands entangled themselves in Bucky’s shoulder length hair, pulling lightly on his scalp. In return Bucky started sucking on Steve’s neck a bit harder, drawing more and more noises out of him. Steve silently thanked God and all the saints that his ma wasn’t home until later tonight. He wasn’t looking forward to _ that _ conversation. 

“Which door is yours?”

“First one when you get up the stairs” Steve replied breathlessly. Too caught up in Bucky’s lips on his neck to realise that they were now at the top of his stairs and Bucky had carried him with ease; like he didn’t weigh a damn thing.

Bucky opened and closed the door with an ease Steve knew was developed with practice and he groaned as his back collided with his bedroom wall. His hands flew over Bucky’s shoulders, neck and tangled with his hair; becoming slowly more desperate to remove the confinements of what they were both wearing. Bucky’s hands were planted on the wall and on Steve’s ass, gripping and leading. He knew exactly what he was doing. Any nerves Steve may have had in the past left his skin with the hickies Bucky was leaving.

Steve’s hands left Bucky’s hair in turn for tugging on his shirt, growing impatient with the lack of skin on skin contact. Bucky’s laugh vibrated against his neck, dragging another moan out of Steve. He pulled away for a second to borderline rip both their shirts off and instantly returned to the newly exposed areas of flesh.

Bucky started sucking wherever he could, collarbones, chest but what made Steve‘s breath catch in his throat was when Bucky started playing with his nipples. The whole thing so new and different, but infinitely welcome. Bucky smirked against his chest, rolling his teeth lightly. Steve’s grunts caught on their way up, breathing becoming more laboured by the minute. It was almost like he was going to have an asthma attack but the panic wasn’t there, his lungs were fine, it was the man holding him against a wall, doing things to him that he’d never thought to do to himself. 

“Bucky… can we… can we please get to my bed? I don’t wanna do this against a wall..” Steve would usually hate how breathless he sounded but in this moment, he couldn’t give less of a shit. He was on cloud nine and that dignified any amount of blushing and moaning.

“How ever you wanna do this sweetheart,”

Bucky lifted Steve off the wall and found a better grip, he didn’t want to drop the poor fucker, this was his first time. This little fact restrained Bucky from doing anything too intense or rough. He wanted Steve to look back on this and be flooded with love and safety, that’s not gonna happen if Bucky pulls out the whips and chains. Maybe next time, if there ever is one. 

He pushed Steve down against his own bed, quickly joining him. Steve was so responsive, constant little whimpers, moans, grunts: everything Bucky had gotten off to. Every little gasp or arch in his back went straight to Bucky’s already hard cock. He couldn’t remember the last he got so hard so quick, but it was a nice change.

Bucky trained his eyes up and the sight he was greeted with made him slip a groan himself. Steve was flushed red, his bottom lip acting as a chew toy, trembling hands reaching around for Bucky’s back. God, he was everything he’d dreamed of. He’d fucking lucked out with Steve and he’ll be damned if he screws this up or makes any part of this unenjoyable. 

It didn’t take long for both of them to get impatient with the ‘going slow’ act, Steve especially. He wanted Bucky now, hard and fast. He wanted to feel him for days after this, just so he could savour the feeling of being fucked by Bucky Barnes. He wasn’t a nervous virgin, more of a slut than Bucky clearly thought. Well, Steve would just have to inform him of this.

“Buck, I’m not gonna break, you don’t have to be gentle with me,”

Bucky just smiled down at him, “Doll, this is your first time-“

“Taking dick, yeah. Not my first time being fucked. I’ve had a fair few things inside me, you’re not gonna hurt me,” It was Bucky’s turn to blush and Steve’s to smirk. The new information leaving Bucky all kinds of speechless, crowning a new confidence in Steve. 

But then a switch turned on in Bucky’s head, given away in his eyes. Steve’s confidence grew more cowardly by the second as Bucky was starting to look at him with a hunger he’d never seen before.

“Oh yeah? You think you’re ready to take my cock? You haven’t even had my fingers in you yet sweetheart, you really think you can handle me fucking you into next week…?”

It wasn’t an empty threat; Bucky became more rough in handling Steve, gripping tighter on his hips, sucking harder on his chest and neck. When pulled Steve’s sweats down with his teeth, he ordered him to watch his every move. Steve had been very very wrong, Bucky might just break him. When Bucky’s hand wandered beneath his underwear and touched Steve for the first time, the sound he created was heaven sent. His voice an octave higher and embarrassingly loud. Bucky found a slow pace in return, chasing after that music again.

Bucky smirked _ again _, “That was just me touching you, I wonder what kind of sounds you’ll make when ’m actually fuckin’ you…” And Steve just moaned in reply, too caught up on the hand stroking his cock almost too slowly.

He was shaking, limb control lost to the sea of sensations. Steve didn’t want to cum like this, he wanted to with Bucky while that bundle of nerves gets fucking abused. He _ wouldn’t _ cum like this, he refused to.

“P-please, Bucky please. Just, just fuck me already, please,” The desperation lacing his words, Bucky decided to take mercy on him.

“Of course doll-face, anything my angel wants,”

He didn’t even think about the words leaving his mouth, too caught up in the fantasy of the moment; Steve too blissed out to register them. 

“Oh! Lube is in the top draw!” Steve blushed, his brain regaining coherent thinking for that single sentence. Neither could help nor hide the giggles that escaped them. It was a funny sentence, okay.

Bucky popped the cap of the clear bottle and emptied some of the lube on to his fingers. He made sure to use a fair amount, he didn’t want to hurt Steve in any way. He rubbed it over his fingers to warm it up then set them on their way towards Steve’s hole, tracing on the ring of muscle teasingly. Steve writhed at the feeling, wanted to Bucky to just hurry the fuck up and get on with it, he needed him _ now. _

“Bucky~! C’mon, I’ve waited long enough!”

“Bossy little thing, ain’t ya?”

Steve smacked his arm, “Yeah, and I’ll strike the fear a’God in ya if you don’t fucking fuck me right now.”

Bucky just laughed affectionately, not doubting that for a second. Steve’s Brooklyn accent shining through strongly. Bucky had found a condom in the draw as well and he had no doubt he’d be crucified if he didn’t rubber up. He’d had his fair share of practice, so he rolled the condom on with ease and familiarity. He breached the muscle and Steve in turn inhaled sharply, not used to someone else doing his to him. Bucky inched his finger slowly, taking all the time in the world out of fear of hurting the man beneath him. When he reached the knuckle of his hand, he pulled it out slowly and pushed it back in, building up a pace slowly. He continued this for a couple of minutes, wanting to go at Steve’s rate, not his own. He only brought a second finger when Steve practically begged for it, reassuring Bucky that he was ready. And after that second finger joined in, another soon followed and Steve was moaning wantonly when Bucky hit _ there. _ Bucky picked up the rhythm and began fucking Steve with three fingers, Steve’s nails ripping red welts into Bucky’s back in retaliation. When Bucky was positive that Steve could handle a fourth, his pinky joined the others and Steve’s eyes rolled to the back of his head. His back arched and a consistent string of moans, curses and everything his childhood teachings would despise. He was ready.

“I’m ready, do it,” Steve pulled Bucky’s face close to his by the back of his neck. “Fuck me like you mean it,”

Any thread of self control Bucky was maintaining snapped clean in half. He removed his fingers and Steve whined in turn at the loss. But when Steve felt the blunt head of Bucky, he wasn’t so sure if four fingers were enough at all. He’d seen the impressive tent in his jeans but he felt much bigger up close. This was one hell of a dick to lose his virginity to; and Steve would be lying if he said it didn’t fill him with a new level of excitement. 

Bucky pushed forward an inch and stopped, giving Steve time to adjust to every inch of himself. Steve was grateful for this, thanking God and all the saints that Bucky was as caring as he was. It made these little intimacies bittersweet - he wanted to experience this with Bucky, he trusted him that much. But he also deflated in the memory that they weren’t together. Bucky wasn’t his and he wasn’t Bucky’s. The pet names and the caring actions made his heart flutter then close in on itself.

But that was for another day to think about, right now he’d focus on the cock currently splitting him in two. Pushing up against every atom of Steve, filling his very being. Any regrets or nerves about this fell away, turned molten under the heat of the two of them. Washed away by Bucky’s soft words, asking if he was okay. Only ever moving if Steve told him to, watching and waiting. Like a soldier.

After a few minutes of adjustment, Steve finally nodded his head, telling Bucky it was okay to move. He started slowly, allowing Steve every second he needed to let the pain turn into pleasure. When the pain on his face finally ebbed and faded, waves of pleasure crashed over Steve’s spine and he was moaning outright once again. Bucky did what anyone would do, he chased after his own release and as well now - fucking into Steve harder and faster. 

They had reached a regular rhythm and pace now, Steve scratching down Bucky’s back, Bucky gripping Steve’s hips like his life depended on it. It only took Bucky a minute to find Steve’s prostate again. And when the head of Bucky’s cock first slammed against it, Steve screamed. High and loud and wanton. Bucky just smirked and did it again, watching as Steve’s eyes hazed with ecstasy, rolling back, not quite grounded. 

“Ah! Ah, fuck, oh God… _ James… _ Oh, fuck _ James _,” 

_ James _ . Steve had called him _ James _. Anyone else calling him that and it would be game over for him. He’d pull out, fuck off and not feel a damn thing. But Steve, Steve turned it into a damn kink and Bucky was not complaining. 

“Call me that again, c’mon sweetheart,” Bucky was fuelled by a fire in his gut, roaring and needy. Consuming his whole being and turning him primal.

“James! God, fuck James! Uh, ah, God harder please,”

“One last time sugar, then I’ll fuck you as hard as you want,”

“James! Please! Please Bucky!” Aw, the poor thing was desperate…

“Since you asked so nicely,” Bucky punctuated his sentence with his hips, thrusting harder into Steve and got paid back in moans comparable to an angel choir. If this was heaven, then Bucky would swear up and down to never sin again. No price too high for the utopia that was Steve Rogers’s body. This was just one more reason to have feelings for him. Bucky could list the reasons and you’d be awake all night, drifting to sleep while he continued to ramble on until day break. He had it bad but he couldn’t be fucked to get over him, the feeling too good and powerful; it loved bringing Bucky back on his knees every damn time and Bucky fucking lets it. He’s not a man of faith, never really seeing the appeal but he was faithful to one thing: Steve.

He could tell Steve was getting close, his moans becoming more disjointed and getting caught in his throat more often than not. Bucky was tailing close behind him. Steve came without warning, clawing his nails down Bucky’s back and painting their chests in a familiar translucent white. The sudden tension around his cock had Bucky cumming quickly after, euphoria encasing the base of his spine and crotch. Both fell back against the bed with a satisfied sigh, throughly fucked out and exhausted. 

“Wow, that was… Holy shit Stevie,” Bucky’s eyes flouted to Steve beside him, the poor guy was already asleep. “Ha, goodnight Steve. I hope you know this meant more to me then a quick fuck,”

And with that, he pulled off the condom, tied it and threw it anyway in a trash can sitting in the corner of Steve’s room. He let his own eyes close and mind drift into a dreamscape.

He had plans for when they woke up - but not one of them was what happened when Bucky awoke to a smack around the face.

Steve had woken up first, a smile plastered to his face when there was a warm body keeping him safe. It was that same warm body that ignited the panic that had Steve’s head spinning. Steve was naked and so was the guy next to him.

He sat up without a breath in his lungs, franticly hyperventilating to regain the air he was lacking in his chest. He needed to piece the facts together. So, one thing was for sure: Steve Rogers wasn’t a virgin anymore. Even more so, he lost it to the guy he was falling for who wasn’t in the same position as Steve. Bucky had taken his virginity and Steve was still in the dark about Bucky’s feelings towards him at all. They weren’t together, in a state of dancing around each other, hopelessly trying to discover if what they had was unrequited or not. 

But, what if this changed things? Steve might not be chasing after some guy he’ll never have. Maybe, Bucky felt the same. Maybe, he wanted this as much as Steve did. Maybe, just maybe, they would be together after this.

Steve slapped himself for having stupid, fantastical thoughts. He was Steve and Bucky was Bucky. Two completely different worlds thrown at each other and the out come complex and catastrophic. It wasn’t going to happen. So that leaves Steve with one conclusion: Bucky used him and Steve was another notch in his fragile bedpost. 

Anger rose and boiled under his surface with one thing on his mind - he needed Bucky to get the fuck out of his bed, his house; his life. Steve’s mind raced with insults. How could he be so stupid as to believe that Bucky wanted anything other than sex from him? Virginity was a prize to those who have lost it and Steve just had his won by James Barnes himself. King of the broken hearts. Bucky wasn’t the kinda guy to stay with one person for too long, he knew that. He’d been told about the various partners by Bucky himself. They’d even joked about it, calling him a slut and pushing shoulders. Now he was just another name on an ever growing list.

He came face to face with his wrongly accused and smacked him straight. Bucky shot up in surprise and pain. He wasn’t given the chance to ask what the fuck that was for before Steve was yelling at him.

“What the fuck? How could you do that to me? You fucking knew that this was a big deal to me and yet you just use me to get off! WHAT THE FUCK BUCKY?”

Bucky opened his mouth to speak but was quickly silenced again, Steve wasn’t gonna let him get a word in and Bucky was more than confused. He wanted to explain himself, let Steve know why what happened had happened but he wasn’t having any of it. 

Bucky tried to speak again only to be met with a “No! You don’t get to fucking talk, you just fucking used me. What? You flirt with me for MONTHS because you know I’m a virgin and now what? You’re gonna fuck off forever? Well guess what pal, fuck you! Get the fuck out and NEVER fucking talk to me again!”. He was pushed out of bed, clothes thrown in his face and was given orders to change in the bathroom then “Get the fuck out!”. 

Completely gobsmacked and not wanting to piss Steve off more, Bucky did exactly that. The words were still on his wasted tongue. The “No”’s and the “That’s not what this is”’s and the sacred “I really like you, you stubborn asshole!” caught in his teeth, shoved back in by Steve’s anger and misreading. He quickly dressed himself in the clothes he wore when he arrived and attempted to talk to Steve before he headed out the door.

He knocked against the painted wood and in return got a loud “Just fuck off!”. Steve had made his point very clear: Bucky wasn’t welcome anymore.

He pushed a hand through matted hair and turned towards the front door. Dragged his feet down the stairs but when he got to the bottom he was met with a face he knew but couldn’t place. He knew it had to be Steve’s mum but she felt familiar, like he’d met her before.

“James?” Sarah was surprised to him again after all the years between. He was very different to the one year old she’d originally met. Now Bucky’s hair wasn’t short and full of curls, it was longer and had a simple wave to it. His grey eyes were all the same but much sadder and pained. That cheeky smile was lost and couldn’t be found and his happy aura was dampened and damaged. The future had not been kind to him.

“Hi Mrs. Rogers. ’S nice to finally meet you. I’d love to stay and chat but I gotta run. Gotta pick my sister up… from… soccer practice.”

Not one of his sisters had an interest in sport.

“Oh, well. Pop back soon. You and your family should come over for dinner sometime! It’d be lovely to see your parents again,” Sarah smiled. Bucky was confused as to how Mrs. Rogers knew his parents but he couldn’t afford to find out. Steve would rip his head clean off his neck if he knew Bucky was still here and he didn’t want to take his chances.

“Sounds good, see ya Mrs. Rogers,”

“Call me Sarah, James! See you!” And with that Bucky left the Rogers household. 

He fumbled around in his pockets for his cigarettes and lighter and pulled one out for a smoke. Trembling hands found it difficult and stressed Bucky further. When he finally lit it, he inhaled with intensity and exhaled just as shaky. He took a seat on the porch and the tears fell with his body weight. He didn’t know what to do.

Steve was hellbent on never seeing him again, he now probably also wasn’t going to complete his program on top of everything. He’d fucked things up for good this time. Why couldn’t he do anything right? He belonged back at the centre, the pound where stray dogs like him deserved to be. His shoulders shook with the strength of his sorrow, the filter of his cigarette getting wetter with the tears he was shedding. His hands shook when he put it to his lips and continued to shake against his head. His legs were in an identical state. How the fuck was he gonna fix this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smut then angst, what I do best :). this was my first time writing soft vanilla sex so if it’s terrible pls forgive me. next chapter is gonna be sad as well, see ya !!


	9. What an expensive fate

While Steve’s porch was a great place to have a smoke, Bucky knew that he couldn’t stay there forever. Steve would leave his bedroom eventually and see Bucky still there after he’d told him to “Fuck off!” at least a million times. All hell would break loose at that point. He needed to stand up and go home. So, on shaky legs Bucky took his first steps towards his house, fingers falling over themselves in his pockets; itching for a cigarette. He pulled one to his lips and lit it. He left the Rogers’ house with a trail of smoke. 

Bucky had been walking for about 10 minutes when he felt a sturdy hand on his shoulder. Enough crime to last him a lifetime’s lessons kicked in as he went to break the guy’s arm. What he wasn’t expecting was the cheery smile of his friend Dugan; or Dum Dum if you’re Bucky and his friends. 

“Woah there, nice to see you too pal!” His smile was casual, but his eyes were guarded. Bucky knew that look well, Dum Dum never left the house without it.

“Fuck! Don’t do that t’a me man, could’a given me a damn heart attack,”

“That ain’t no fuckin’ good, how ‘m ‘spossed t’a give ya a hug then?” Dum Dum chuckled in return. His arms opened and Bucky fell into the affection. He needed this. “You feelin’ good? Certainly ain’t the type to go round huggin’ any ol’ fool…” 

Dum Dum’s confusion was well founded - Bucky had never hugged him before and now here he was, collapsed in his arms. He did what he would do for anyone of the Howlies, rub his back and feed him the loose cigarette that was hanging onto his fingers. Bucky just stood there for a while, losing himself in the comfort of a muscled chest. The added nicotine also sealed the deal a little. Dum Dum’s hugs were something he needed to experience again.

“Just… Boy trouble. Y’know me,” Bucky finished with a damp smile. His left hand rubbing against the back of his neck in social discomfort.

“Forever the heartbreaker Barnes. I’m guessin’ shit didn’t go’t’a plan then,”

“You could say that,”

“Well, I’ll let ya get ‘ome then. You’re probably smoking ya lungs t’a death by bein’ outside,”

“Thanks  _ mom _ ,”

They both laughed and joined in their second ever hug, squeezing a bit tighter than before. Bucky felt a little better and he trusted Dum Dum wouldn’t grass to the others and let him come to them in his own time. Who was he fucking kidding? His phone will blow up by morning about the mystery guy. Dum Dum couldn’t keep a secret to save his life and Bucky’s sure as hell that he ain’t gonna start now.

“I’ll tell Happy Sam ya said hi, see ya later Barnes,” 

“Later, Dum Dum,” Bucky turned and continued his walk home. He’d walked to Steve’s yesterday because there was a pizza place on the way and an apology with pizza is better accepted than without. Now he wasn’t sure if there was anyway he could get him back. 

The cold February air nipped at Bucky’s chest and legs, driving him to pull his worn leather jacket tighter around his body. It had been warmer the day before, more blue than grey in the sky so he’d only worn a shirt and a jacket with ripped jeans to match. He wasn’t expecting to stay the night at Steve’s but he really should’ve at least brought a hoodie for when the night got deathly cold. He was lucky it wasn’t snowing. New York really liked to try and freeze it’s inhabitants to death. Plus, the way home would be entirely more pleasant if Bucky had a fucking car. 

His phone pinged with a new message and Bucky made a fool of himself, fumbling to see if it was Steve. It wasn’t, but it was Dum Dum texting into a group chat saying how the howlies need to hang out soon. Monty suggested beer and a movie and the rest of them cheered an amen. Bucky wasn’t gonna turn down free booze and a chance to see his friends. They all went to different schools but lived in decently close areas. Still, it meant that they didn’t see much of each other outside of the off chance party or purposely meeting up. Bucky was never really home so no one just walked in with a surprise visit and they all had other friends anyway. Bucky, however, with everything that had happened in the last five months, really didn’t want to see his new ‘friends’. He wanted to see the guys he’d known since he was walking and talking all on his own. The idiots he grew up with.

He reached his door with a weekend plan, a downcast posture and smelling heavily of cheap smoke. He couldn’t hide it at this point, his littlest sister (Lilith) was gonna find out and give him those polygraph eyes. Maybe he should quit… But that would be laughable. Bucky, not smoking? Half of Brooklyn would say “Give me a break.” Maybe that was more reason to try. Maybe, just maybe. 

His pa and Becca were watching some film in the living room, Lilith was writing something in post-haste. Probably homework, knowing her. That girl was gonna be president one day, Bucky was sure of it. Emily was either out or in her room, practicing her bass or writing a new song for class. She was gonna be a musician, but was still battling between being a producer or a songwriter. She’d figure it out, she would. Just not right this second, but hey, she had the time. Where Winifred was was a different thing as she could be anywhere in the house or anywhere in Brooklyn. Bucky would have to ask his pa.

Bucky was staring at the TV screen so he didn’t catch his sister walking towards him. Emily was carrying a tied trash bag, full and perceptively heavy. Bucky was pretty sure he reacted late to her bumping into him, trying to get past to take it out. But when he did, her eyes met his and all plans of doing chores went out the window as the tears in her brother’s eyes weren’t crocodile ones. She knew when shit went sideways, there were tears with a red face and red eyes to match. He never really gave a shit about what happened to him but when other people got hurt with him along the way - that was a different story. He didn’t care about himself, forever a martyr, but other people? Bucky would hang himself up on a crucifix just for hurting someone’s feelings. Whether or not he decided to share that trait with others was a completely different story.

He’d been at Steve’s all night - she knew that. That meant once again, Steve and Bucky had had a falling out, leaving Bucky feeling personally responsible even though Steve has his own spitfire tendencies and a way of over and under-thinking things through. Emily knew her brother, he probably did something questionable but with only the best intentions. Bucky had a heart of gold, but gold wasn’t diamond and was capable of getting broken. She just hoped it wasn’t beyond repair. 

It didn’t take much for Bucky to break. Those kind, sympathetic eyes had been comforters since he was a kid. Emily was the only person in his family he felt like he could spill all his shit to. He was grateful for at least that. He was told to wait on the stairs a second and within 15, Emily was back through the door and guiding Bucky into her arms. He collapsed. Legs buckling under him, giving way into the arms that had supplied endless comfort for the last 18 years of his life. The dams broke, spilling into his sister’s Green Day shirt. His long hair shielding his face from the outsiders that were his dad and younger sisters; who had heard the soft sobs of their son and brother. They saw shaking. Shoulders rising high then falling in jagged steps, moving back and forth in staccatos. They wanted to reach out, lay their heads on his and wipe away his tears. They knew things had been stressful since the program had started but no one anticipated this. 

Bucky’s breaths started cutting themselves off in an attempt to get more air to his lungs. His mind was racing with all the reasons Steve had decided to hate him. What had he done so wrong that Steve wanted to cut him off forever? Yes they slept together, but it was never with selfish intent. Bucky  _ loved  _ the kid. God, did he love Steve, he was all Bucky ever thought about. All Bucky ever had spurring him on to be better. Bucky desperately wanted to prove himself to Steve, wanted to prove to him that Bucky’s feelings  _ were _ there, that they were true and real and only for him. Now, now he’d never get the chance. Bucky’s chest constricted with the thought of never seeing Steve again, of Steve never wanting to see  _ him _ again. 

There was one thought, one thought that had been nagging him since the beginning. One thought that was hell-bent on comparing Steve to… to  _ him. Zemo. _ The behaviour that had been displayed over the last 24 hours had matched almost perfectly to previous events. Bucky had lost his virginity to Zemo, only for Zemo to yell and scream and degrade Bucky the morning after. Spewing lies of how Bucky had taken advantage of him and how Zemo never wanted it when Zemo was the one pushing Bucky. Sure, Steve hadn’t accused Bucky in the same light but his accusations walked the same line. It was Bucky’s fault that Steve lost his virginity, but made it seem like Bucky only saw Steve as some sort of fucking prize. Only, Bucky knew that wasn’t the case. He was falling deep in with Steve Rogers and only Bucky knew this. Steve just thought Bucky was using him, he thinks so little of him - Bucky was chasing after someone he could never catch as fate had now said it. 

The air isn’t getting to his lungs fast enough anymore, the desperation keeps coming in waves and his head is growing dizzy. Nausea is rising from his stomach and up to his throat and Bucky thinks he’s gonna throw up. The last time he had a panic attack he did, this time wouldn’t be an exception. He starts dry heaving and Emily recognises the signs instantly. She knows Bucky’s going into a panic attack, his mind working overtime to make everything his fault - His stomach not helping a damn bit. Emily motions to her dad to help her get Bucky to a bathroom and George is on his feet quickly. He was a builder, his arms were used to long, strenuous hours and he’d been able to carry all his children until they were at least nine. Carrying Bucky now, at 18, was more difficult but paternal instincts damned physical limitations to hell and he made sure Bucky was able to empty the contents of his stomach in a place where there wouldn’t be a mess to clean up. 

When they made it to the bathroom, Bucky just spat into the bowl, bile not yet making an appearance. But then, after his mouth filled with saliva at an alarming rate, his stomach bile reared it’s putrid head. George stayed by his son’s side, rubbing his back. Emily had tried to tell him that she was okay, she could handle it from here, but George just told her to wait with Becca until Bucky was done. George Barnes loved his son, and he was gonna make damn sure he knew it. So he sat there, hand rubbing Bucky’s back, whispering kind, supportive words in his son’s ear until Bucky was just breathing into the porcelain bowl. 

“I’m so sorry Pa. You shouldn’t have t’a deal with this,” Bucky’s tired voice breaking the silence that had fallen over the two Barnes men. “I’m sorry I’m such’a mess,” 

More tears came, but George just wiped them away and pulled Bucky into a fatherly hug. Tight and firm yet still loving and affectionate. They stayed like that for awhile, Bucky silently crying into his father’s shoulder and George shushing him softly, his grip on his only son never falling. George started playing with Bucky’s hair, brushing his calloused fingers through it, pulling lightly against the knots of it. He gently scratched against Bucky’s scalp, and didn’t stop until his barely audible sobs faded into a semi-content hum. Their hug didn’t break until George was certain Bucky was mentally in a better place than he was a few minutes ago. When he was satisfied that Bucky wasn’t going to burst into tears again, George pulled back and came face to face with his only son.

“Don’t you go talking that smack with me kid. You’re my son, my boy. I ain’t ever gonna turn you away or make you feel alone. I’m your Pops, I’m here when you need me and even when you don’t. Ain’t gonna deny that you can scare the pants off me. You’ve given me my fair share of frights,” He pauses to laugh. It’s fond and Bucky tries to join in with a guilty one. “But God better strike me fuckin’ dead if I ever make you feel like I don’t love ya. Now, wash your mouth out, ya breath stinks and go talk to Em. I know you want to,” 

It was Bucky’s turn to laugh now. He tucked the hair that had fallen in his face behind his ear and smiled a toothy grin at his dad. Bucky loved his dad and he was grateful for moments like these. George got up from his place beside Bucky, ruffled his hair with a sly comment of “You ever gonna cut the mop?” earning himself a toilet roll to the ass. Bucky leant against the toilet for a second, smiling fondly, feeling a lot better after talking to his pa and throwing up. His heart was back to its regular beat and the air was able to get to his lungs okay. When he finally stood up, his legs felt like jelly under him but forced them to solidify for the sake of getting shit off his chest. He rinsed his mouth out with the mouthwash on the side of the sink, washed his hands and walked out of the bathroom towards Emily’s room. 

She caught Bucky before he reached the stairs, having been in the living room waiting for him to be done throwing his guts up. 

“Ready to talk about what’s got you all teary eyed?” Her tone was kind, trying to play off how worried she actually was.

“Yeah, you got a pack’a smokes on you?”

“Yeah? Why?” 

“We’re gonna need ‘em.” Bucky’s lip curled lightly, but not playfully. It was defeated, like he’d been smoking all day but he needs more and his throat still ain’t sore enough for his liking.

“Alright, let’s go for’a walk. Get some fresh air to clean ya ‘ed. Plus it means we don’t hafta lean out my window for ages,”

“I like your thinking,”

And with that, the two oldest Barnes siblings made their way out the door, Emily declaring ‘youngest first’ with a shit-eating grin on her face. Bucky replied with a deadpan and shoving her ass out first. They laughed a little leaving the house, waving to their father and younger sister through the window but the second they turned the corner and were away from prying eyes, Emily pulled her pack of Carltons out. She lifted the cardboard lid and pulled two cigarettes from the carton. She popped the pack back in her coat pocket and handed Bucky his cigarette, drawing a lighter from the opposite pocket that she kept her cigarettes in. She didn’t think to pass the lighter to her brother as she lit her own, she knew that he had been smoking before he came home - a lot as well. He had his own lighter, so he can use that. No point wasting gas.

They kept walking for a second, just smoking their cigs and listening to the gravel against their shoes. Bucky was the first to break the silence for once, not requiring a prompt for the first time, well, ever.

“It’s Steve. He don’t want nothin’ t’a do with me.” Bucky took another drag of his cigarette, almost using it like cheap liquor. “We slept together last night-”

“Holy fuck really?” 

“Lemme finish, and yeah, I know,” Bucky cast his eyes downward, not wanting to look at his sister’s teasing facial expressions.

“Fucking finally, was wondering when youse were gonna finally bang,” Emily laughed. Bucky just pushed against her shoulder in reply, not feeling up to the demanding, invasive questions that would come with a worded reply.

“Shuddup. Anyway, we slept together but in the morning he slapped me in the face and kicked me out his house.” His eyes started to glass with the memory. 

“What the fuck? Why?”

“Apparently I “used him” but I swear it, I’d never. I love ‘im, I love that idiot with all my heart Em. I couldn’t do that to ‘im.” That was the first time Bucky’s ever said his feelings out loud. He didn’t explicitly say that he loved Steve to Sam and Tony when they were in that holding cell together. But here he is, admitting to his older sister that what was once a little crush is now a landslide of love that Bucky’s falling down - hard.

“Did ya tell ‘im this?”

“Didn’t get the chance. Fucker just kept on yellin’ at me. Tellin’ me t’a get the fuck out.” The nagging voice was back.

“I’m sorry Buck, that’s shitty,” Emily rubbed her hand over her brother’s shoulders, trying to comfort him as best as she can. The pain was in his skin, his muscles and bones. Steve Rogers had cut her younger brother deep. Lucky for Steve, she didn’t know where he lived - saved him from getting his shit kicked in. A silver lining of such.

“My brain keeps on yellin’ at me, keeps tryna tell me that Stevie’s kinda like Zemo. I try to ignore it but with the shit that ‘appened yesterday, don’t seem so different no more.” He drew his lips to a tight line, doing whatever he could to build up the courage for the inevitable questions Emily would ask.

“Who’s Zemo?” There is it.

Breathe in, breathe out. Tell your story.

“You ready for a story? ‘S not all that pretty but it’s why I’m the way I am,”

She nodded her head slowly, thinking over her decision. Bucky was offering answers to the last five years of his life, something that she and her family had been in the dark about the whole time. Never once knowing why Bucky acted out or why he made a home in a youth detention centre. She knew it’d be a lot to process but she’s ready to come out of the dark.

“Okay, well it started when I was ‘bout 13. I met this guy, Baron Zemo, but we’ll call’im Zemo for now. Saw me smokin’ under a tree one day and came and sat by me. He was all charming smiles and white teeth…

_ Bucky was sitting under a blossom tree at Kaiser Park. A cigarette in one hand and a book in the other. It was an old one, a story about a guy trying to find his place in society while never feeling truly accepted. He was an outsider, much like Bucky. Bucky wasn’t the most popular kid, but that was due to personal choice. He had the charm and wit to be the most popular boy in school but everyone felt so fake. No one was genuine and it bored Bucky to death. He wanted to befriend someone who would watch his six then call him an idiot. He ain’t seen that in anybody yet. Well, side from his friends from when he was younger - but they all went their separate ways once middle school happened. _

_ Bucky was around half way through ‘The Outsiders’ when a boy around the same age as him randomly sat next to him. His posture was relaxed, apathetic even. His face was graced with a soft smile and he was wearing a denim jacket with a white shirt, black jeans and black converse. He was handsome, Bucky was surprised he even bothered to sit next to him. Both were complete strangers to each other but one had made the decision to take a chance on the kid who seemed like an outsider himself. He was tragically poetic in the way he smoked then turned the page of a book older than his parents.  _

_ Bucky looked straight at him, as if trying to dissect him. Eyes squinting, intimidating; face hard, unreadable; posture slouched. It all disappeared in a blink when he suddenly smiled at the stranger; putting his book down and holding out his newly free hand. _

_ “I’m Bucky, what’s your name?”  _

_ “Zemo, Baron Zemo. Nice to meet you Buck,” His accent was forgein, he wasn’t native Brooklyn, but yet again, neither was Bucky. He wondered where he was from. _

_ “Ya new around ‘ere? Your accent don’t say New Yorker,” _

_ “Yeah, just moved from Russia. Much more t’a do here,” Zemo replied with ease. _

_ “Me too, well. I was born in Russia but my family moved to Brooklyn when I was three. I don’t remember Moscow at all,” _

_ “Pity, in the winter it’s beautiful. Kinda like you,” Zemo had a charm that made Bucky turn bright red. He’d never been complimented by anyone other than his family before. He knew he liked boys and not girls but this was the first time he’d ever been able to actually have a romantic interest with another boy. Most of the guys at school either had no clue or called him a “fag”.  _

_ “You’re pretty too,” Bucky saw Zemo’s fingers twitching towards Bucky’s burning cigarette. He just smiled. “Want one? I got an older sister with a fake ID, I can always get more.” _

_ “Thank you, Bucky.” _

“And the rest was history, we spent every fuckin’ second together, talkin’ and gettin’ t’a know each other. I fell in love with him quick, I’m not sure what he felt for me but within a month I asked ‘im out. He said yes but after I did, things got weird.” Bucky pulled out another cigarette but grimaced at it, like it carrying the memory of Zemo on it’s back and showing it off to Bucky. Yet, he still needed the nicotine so he put it in his mouth and lit it. 

“How d'ya mean weird?” Emily quipped up.

“Weird as in he always wanted to hang out in the bad side’a town. For a date, we’d rob’a place…

_ Bucky’s breathing was laboured as he laughed against a dirty alley wall. Zemo was by his side doing something similar. They turned to each other and instantly found the others lips, Bucky’s sliding round Zemo’s waist almost naturally. Zemo’s were snaked around Bucky’s neck. Each kiss was passionate and hard and a little too dirty for two boys just shy of 14. They never went any further than a little under the shirt action, Bucky not feeling quite ready for anything like that yet. He knew it upset Zemo, him not being ready but he promised him that they would one day, then carry on kissing him.  _

_ Bucky was addicted to Zemo’s attention. Butterflies always bursting in his stomach and his head got dizzy like he was high. Whenever Zemo complimented Bucky, he’d get his fix and then work harder to please him more next time.  _

_ Bucky was also addicted to the adrenaline that Zemo gave him. Everytime they broke a law, every time they did something deviant, Bucky’s veins ignited fires. His mind cleared and his body took control. He didn’t have to think. He just had to feel. Zemo created a monster inside Bucky had required feeding more than Bucky wanted but less than what Zemo was willing to dish out. This monster got them in trouble, more trouble than they’d bargained for but always made them come back to do twice as bad. This monster got them caught red-handed breaking into an abandoned house spray painting gangs signs and hate symbols.  _

_ Zemo promised Bucky that it was okay, that it’d all be over by morning and that this sort of stuff happens all the time. He was wrong. That was what got Bucky in juvie for the first time. He wasn’t happy; to say the least. _

_ “WHAT THE FUCK? WE’RE DOING TIME FOR THIS! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?” Bucky’s hands were wrapped in Zemo’s collar, arms pinning his back to the bland concrete wall. _

_ “GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF ME, YOU PSYCHO,” And that’s when Bucky got his first punch to the face. _

_ The officers separated them, put them both in isolation and added another day to their sentence as punishment. When the centre found out about the two being exclusive, they forced them to see a shrink together. Bucky and Zemo sorted out their issues but the dynamic had changed. They were no longer equals. Zemo grew more controlling of Bucky; his behaviour, mannerisms, the fucking books he read. Books became Bucky’s dirty little secret, he’d hide them under his shirt when he went to the toilet and at the bottom of his bag. If Zemo ever caught him with a book, he’d belittle him. Taunt him for wanting to be “a motherfuckin’ genius. You better than us, Barnes?” The answer was always no, I’ll throw it anyway, I’m sorry baby, whatever you want baby; the list of responses was endless. Bucky fell into Zemo’s trap and he wasn’t even aware of it. He just assumed that kinda behaviour was normal around here. He never (openly) took it to heart. _

_ Once they got out, they jumped back into the ring. Bucky followed Zemo around like a lovesick puppy, bending to his every whim. But he was never scared of Zemo. He only got scared when his parents and sexuality got involved. Bucky being gay became a ploy for Zemo to get him to do whatever he wanted. Bucky hung his head and marched on after him, not wanting to be disowned by his parents. He didn’t know his parents views on homosexuality or the LGBT community, but he never assumed the best of people - a trick Zemo taught him.  _

_ When Bucky was 15, he came out to his parents. Officer Coulson said it would bring back some of the trust he’d lost by being in juvie, and Bucky thanks whoever was above that it worked. His mother admitted that she’d had her suspicions since Bucky was a kid but didn’t want to say anything in case she was wrong. His father just smiled a wet smile at him and said he was proud of him for feeling like he could tell them something so personal. Bucky cried himself, going on about how it kept him up at night, the thought of them hating him for who he was. They just held him and stroked his hair, which was growing longer than it's ever been at this point. His sisters had a similar reaction; he had to explain what being gay was to little Lilith who was only eleven. Although, she took it very well. Emily just said “No shit Sherlock, you ain’t ever had a girlfriend or ever had an interest in girls,” Becca laughed at Emily’s comment and replied with a simple “Retweet,”. _

_ Bucky grew to love his family again. _

“I remember that, never seen you so shy,” Emily teased

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. That shit was rough,”

“Is this the part where you’re gonna talk about when you were 16… Because if so I need another cig. That was your worse year yet.” She offered one to Bucky as she pulled another cigarette out. Between the two of them, they’d probably smoke the whole pack by the time Bucky finishes his story.

Bucky placed the cigarette between the bases of his index and middle fingers, toying with it. He didn’t need it right now, but with what he was about to admit next: heaven, hell and purgatory knew that he’d need it.

“It was my 16th birthday an’ me an’ Zemo were spendin’ the day t’a’gether…

_ “Bucky c’mon. You’re officially 16 now, that means if you haven’t lost your virginity, you’re a fucking loser.” Zemo basically whined. He was trying to convince Bucky a good birthday present would be birthday sex. Bucky just thought Zemo didn’t bother to buy him a present. _

_ “I just don’ see the rush, doll. What’s so good about it?” Bucky just shrugged in reply. He minorly bent to hug his boyfriend’s waist, setting his head on his shoulder. He was a lot taller now, lightly towering over his boyfriend which was made all the cuter to Bucky. Puberty had been kind to Bucky, he grew a lot, gained a lot of muscle and his facial hair didn’t grow awkwardly. The long hair just added to the hollywood face he was born with. _

_ “What’s so good, huh? You could find out if you weren’t being such a frigid bitch,” Zemo retaliated sharply, turning suddenly in Bucky’s embrace. Softness turning poisonous quick enough to give Bucky whiplash. “Look, lemme show ya a good time, then I gotta proper birthday surprise for ya.” _

_ “No fuckin’ around?” _

_ “Cross my heart, and hope, to, die,” And with a take of his hand, Bucky lost his virginity in Zemo’s bedroom. He soon understood the hype, never having felt something so electric at the base of his spine. He knew for certain his poor hand would now be used more frequently - not like it wasn’t before.  _

_ What Bucky wasn’t expecting was the white powder Zemo was cutting with a razor on an old mirror. Fear pulled at his throat, half strangling him with nerves. The butterflies were back and Bucky though he was gonna be sick. He forced himself to not worry, not wanting to set Zemo off. It was his birthday, it wasn’t a day for a panic attack. Zemo had cut four lines, two for him and two for Bucky. He could feel his nose itching just looking at it. _

_ “Happy Birthday!” Zemo handed Bucky a straw and held the first line to the closest end of it. _

_ Bucky will swear up and down that he was sweating something fierce before giving in to the man he loved. Well, can we really call abuse love? Bucky had read and seen people do this many times before. He knew exactly what to do. He’d seen endless rows of people snorting a lot worse than what Zemo was presenting before him. It was MDMA, not coke, thank God. The reassurance that he wasn’t completely throwing his life away softened the grip of the nerves in his throat. With a “fuck it” and a deep breath, Bucky placed a finger over his left nosril, put the straw to the other and inhaled deep through his nose. After the first line, he lifted his head up and worked on keeping all of it in his nose. He felt good, really good but his nose ached like all hell. He picked up the straw again and repeated his first action on the second line. Zemo smiled something wicked then went in for the kill with his own lines. His hands were practiced, nothing shy about them unlike Bucky’s; who’s hands had shaked and been clumsy. He had clearly done this before. How had Bucky never caught Zemo on drugs? The heartbreak and betrayal was whisked away with the waves of synthetic happiness crashing over his intoxicated brain.  _

_ Zemo turned to Bucky with a new found fire and brought their lips together. The kiss was drunk and harsh, hot and misplaced a little but it made Bucky’s dick twitch at the possibility of having sex again. So they did, twice more to make Bucky’s birthday extra special. Where everything turned sour was when Zemo suggested they go out and do something. They dressed hastily, excited to see the world with new eyes and walked to the East Side of Brooklyn, their usual spot for mayhem. What happened got them in serious trouble, because no one told Bucky that the MDMA was laced.  _

_ It was a simple comment someone threw over their shoulder. A sober Bucky would’ve ignored it or just flipped him off. But sober Bucky wasn’t here, this was high Bucky’s time and fuck, he was angry. He jumped the guy, beating him until even Zemo -- who had joined in on the fun because why should Bucky enjoy himself without him? -- had to check if the guy was still breathing. He was, thank the Lord because if he wasn’t, there would’ve hell to pay and Bucky didn’t have that kinda cash or needed murder on his name. People had circled them, cheering and heckling at the beat down before them. But someone who had their head screwed on right called the cops; and it wasn’t Officer Coulson at the scene. Bucky and Zemo got tasered and handcuffed, shoved in the back and rushed to the nearest station. They spent a year and a half paying for what they did and they had to pay for the guy’s hospital bills. This birthday stunt got Bucky kicked out of school, not that he was doing very well or attending much. His parents were confused on how such a smart kid was failing almost every class. They knew something had to stop or change; and that thing was Bucky. _

_ Bucky was given the chance of parole, but his parents argued against it, deeming him not fit for society yet and that he hadn’t quite payed his dues. Zemo was granted parole while Bucky stayed at the pound. Zemo walked semi-free while Bucky stayed behind bars. _

_ Bucky always asked to see Zemo, wanting to see his boyfriend more than anything. He was convinced he was his ride or die. Soulmates. What he didn’t see was Zemo cheating on him with anyone he could charm the pants off; taking more drugs than his teenage brain could handle; ruining his life to the last thread. Bucky always asked if Zemo missed him, he got the same superficial “Yes, of course baby. I miss ya so much, I can’t wait till ya outta there,”. _

_ It was all bullshit. _

_ The second Bucky got out, it was purely sexual between them. Zemo would demand it of Bucky, it was “his duty as boyfriend” and then when Bucky had other plans, plans to just spend time with Zemo or with friends - the insults fell from his mouth like a withered and aged wall. He got in Bucky’s head so much, Bucky needed his own release. The only thing he knew, the only thing he’d known for years now was drugs. Drugs and adrenaline. The two things that never failed to make him fly. So a routine grew. Bucky and Zemo would fuck like rabbits, take more drugs than they could handle and commit progressively worse crimes. It was an endless cycle or sex, drugs and criminality. Bucky was almost kicked out of his parents house at one point, they didn’t want their daughters to see him in such a state; it was distressing, for everyone. He didn’t come home fucked after that, he just hid at his boyfriend’s and came home in the middle of a come down - depressed and out of his mind. _

_ When he got caught with a surprising amount of cocaine on him at a party, Bucky didn’t get out again until after his 18th birthday. It was the day after he and Zemo had broken up, Bucky blowing up in his face about how Zemo didn’t love him. Zemo pinned Bucky against the wall by his neck. Those two ended how they always would, in flames and Bucky was the one to take the most heat. He still has the burnes hidden under his skin, becoming irritated and inflamed in the presence of new potential romantic partners. Baron Zemo almost ruined Bucky for anyone else, damning him to a life of being unloved - well, until Steve came along. _

“I started the program ‘n’ the feelin’s fell int’a place. I didn’t even try…” A stunned silence fell over Emily and Bucky. Emily mostly being the one in shock.

“Holy fucking shit. Holy fucking shit Bucky!”

“Yeah, I know-”

Emily cut him off, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US? I COULD’VE HELPED YOU! YOU FUCKING IDIOT!”

He was sort of expecting that, Bucky liked to lecture his sisters about how he always has their backs and they always attempt to ensure Bucky they feel the same. The message gets forgotten and blurred sometimes but it’s still there. Emily would probably brand it to his skull if he ever forgot - Becca alike. They were all two years apart, they were close.

“Didn’t wanna worry you guys, youse were already dealing with my shitty attitude. Didn’t wanna add t’a the list,” Bucky marginally bent his head in embarrassment.

“Not telling us shit makes us more worried because we ain’t got a clue as t’a why you’re bein’ a dick. You keep this kinda shit from the family again and we’re strippin’ ya naked and taping you t’a the hood of Pa’s pick-up. You know I ain’t fuckin’ around,” Emily had made her point as clear as she could, also while trying to enstill that smack in the face she wanted to give Bucky for keeping such a secret. She’s pretty sure it worked though.

Bucky swallowed and darted his eyes to the side, not quite sure if the threat was empty or not. He decided to take it with a pinch of salt, he didn’t doubt his sister but he also couldn’t tell if she actually meant it. 

It suddenly occurred to Bucky that he still didn’t have answers for the original question he left with house with. He and Emily had managed to walk to a small park in the time Bucky had been telling but now he needed reassurance and advice. He needed an outside perspective on what he should do about his situation with Steve. Does he give up? Is Steve like Zemo? Is Bucky being really fucking stupid and needs to hash shit out with Steve and finally fucking get together? He didn’t know but Em would; so, he asks his question.

“So, now you know the story, is he- is Steve anything like… Zemo? Because that whole idea was most’a the reasons I had that panic attack,” Bucky toyed with his thumbs like they were the most interesting things in the world. Steve wasn’t the only one with trouble talking about his feelings.

“Well, from what you’ve said about ‘im -- Steve -- and what you’ve told me about ‘dickhead who’s gonna die if Pa finds out’, they’re completely different people. I remember you being smitten for like a month when you were 13, then it kinda… died? But this guy, Steve’s gotcha good and you’ve been running round in circles for fuckin’ ages.” Emily just smiled. “Please just, make sure you two idiots get together before ya birthday Buck. Which is in a week and a bit by the way.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. You really think Stevie’s different?”

“Think? Bitch I know, I ain’t never met him, but I best be before your fuckin’ wedding.” Bucky just laughed, blushing lightly. “Just fuckin’ invite him over or something. Talk things through and make sure you can get an actual fuckin’ word in. And if any funny business starts I’ll just grab Becca, some pots ‘n’ pans and we’ll bust in the room making enough noise to wake the devil.”

Bucky had to take a second to allow himself to ride out the full body laugh that Emily just gave him. He was close to tears and held his stomach which was starting to cramp up. After a couple minutes of just bent over in laughter, Bucky came back up. He was smiling.

“I will. Talk things out with him but I’m also never having sex again.”

“Good, ya fuckin’ nasty.” 

“You’re one to talk,”

“You take that back.”

**x.x.x.x**

When they got back home, Emily disappeared again to go grab her and Bucky more cigarettes, as they’d smoked them all while talking. It was somewhat impressive, that was 35 between them. Bucky just kept going into the house, only to be nearly knocked back out by Lilith - who was currently trying to hug the soul out her older brother. She was shaking a little, more than worried after her older siblings went off for three hours after one of them had a pretty bad panic attack. The whole day had been stressful for everyone but they fought through the darkness when Becca came to the front hallway.

“Ya’ll just gonna have a hug pile without me? Now that’s just rude,” She punctuated her point with a raised eyebrow and crossed arms.

“Fuckin’, c’mon then,” Bucky grunted.

He regretted it the second the mass on top of him doubled, threatening to wind him as Becca had decided to semi jump on him. His little sisters were laughing and holding on to him tight. Bucky knew he was fucked when he heard two sets of heavy footprints come to a stand just before him and his little sisters.

“Look at this. Buck’s gettin’ all the hugs and attention.” One voice, probably his Pa’s spoke up in a teasing manner.

“Well, we can’t have that. Guess we gotta jump on him as well. Teach him who’s boss.” Now that was definitely his mother. 

Bucky was half convinced his ribs were gonna break when his parents toppled on top of him, adding to the weight of Becca and Lilith. When they climbed on top of him, they made a conscious effort to drop their weight, earning a solid groan from their only son. It only took 2 minutes before Bucky was begging them to get off him and by that point, Emily had come back and sat by Bucky’s head to tease him and make fun of the fact that he was completely immobile. 

He was gonna kill them all in their sleep. 

“Yeah fuckin’ right,” George spoke up

“Language George Barnes!” Winifred scolded, right behind him always. That woman was as sharp as anything.

“Please, please. Get off me now before I die…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bucky focused chapter with the barnes’ being cute !! i enjoyed writing this one bc i got to look into bucky’s character a lot and i love this dumbass. Also stan the barnes sisters. they’re everything. anyway, see u next week. steve is still a salty bitch !!


	10. V is for Vendetta, I thought that I’d feel better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday Bucky !! (There’s a little nod to him turning 19 about half way through. Yeah, this chapter spans across 2 weeks.) 
> 
> Enjoy! (long chapter as well, get ready)

Steve had no reason to be off sick, well, he was “sick” to his school. His Ma knew better but the school didn’t say anything because he was always sick, typically pretty badly too. So, they didn’t ask any questions when Sarah called in to say Steve wouldn’t be in for awhile and would return when he felt like he was able to. What Steve actually was, was satly. A permanent frown drawn on his face and his star-dimming smile was absent. He hadn’t left his room since Bucky was last in it; and that was a few days ago. He was pissed, well, he was hurt that Bucky had used him but he couldn’t fight his feelings towards him. He desperately wanted them to leave, to get over him but there was a nagging voice, one that sounded too much like his ma, wittering on that he was being stupid, that all the signs where there, right fucking in front of him. This wasn’t an unrequited feeling. But if you asked when was the last time Steve actually listened to that voice, you’d get a resounding never. This wasn’t about to change, nor was it anytime soon. Steve Rogers was a stubborn ass, he was born that way and most likely die it too. 

He’d had many texts come in, mostly from Sam and Tony asking why he wasn’t at school. Natasha had sent a few, they kept him up to date with the program he was meant to be teaching, letting him know that a girl called Wanda had covered for him. He knew her, she was new but had a great record and impeccable english considering she was from Sokovia. He had shown her around and introduced her to his friends but Nat had taken the biggest interest in her. Probably because she thought she was really cute. Steve made a note to ask Natasha when she was going to ask Wanda out. Thor texted in asking if it was serious, clearly having heard that Steve was “sick”. He quickly texted back saying that he was fine, just needed to stay away from school. Thor had asked if Bucky had anything to do with it, seeing as he was still coming in but with a depressed slouch to him. Steve let the guilt wash over him. He could have used words, he knew that. He didn’t answer Thor’s question. The others just sent Instagram messages, he just liked them in reply, not wanting to interact with anyone for as long as he could. 

His ma was just as curious. Asking question on question; some to which she got answers to, but most of them, all she got was a grunt in recognition. Sarah was well trained, very well trained in many areas. She knew the signs of a deep sadness and anger rising in her son, she could practically smell them from his room. It all started with James Barnes. He’d left their house and with him, Steve’s smile. Sarah assumed that they’d had a fight, a little domestic, given the yelling she could hear from upstairs. But, she only ever heard Steve yelling, and the words were muffled and blurred together, smudging the syllables. She couldn’t tell what James had done, but it sounded bad; yet again, on the right day, you could breathe on Steve and he’d blow up in your face. She really needed to tame that temper of his. She also really needed to talk to her currently depressed son. James hadn’t returned since and she hadn’t seen Steve’s phone pressed to his ear yet. Every-time she asked who he was texting, he just replied with “Friends. They’re just wondering why I’m not at school.”

She knew James was a decent guy, it was hardwired into his bones. It was in his genetics to be a good man, his heart was born in gold. That’s what made this so confusing. Steve would be happy with James, she knew that. She was first surprised that they were together but she could sense it with the lovesick smiles and constant texting and the fiery mood swings that were fueled by the other. But when she asked about Steve’s ‘boyfriend’, Steve just went red and quietly admitted they weren’t together. Sarah called bullshit the first time he said it. Steve wouldn’t be in the slump he was if he wasn’t hopelessly in love with the boy he was teaching to be civil. She knew her son, he had it bad bad for James. Really fucking bad. 

Steve only ever ventured out of his room for food or to go to the toilet. She had to catch him during one of his little adventures to the outside world. So that’s what she did.

It was around midday, the Tuesday after the Saturday when everything happened. Steve was wrapped in his duvet, eyes darkened by navy bags under his eyes. His hair was pointing in every direction it could reach and his body was hunched over. Frankly, he looked like shit. Sarah jumped in front of him before he reached the kitchen. 

“Ma! You scared the life outta me…” Steve clutched his chest in over-exaggeration.

“Let’s cut the shit Steve. What’s up?” She was never one to swear, and she prayed the Lord forgave her later. 

“Wha- what are you-”

“Don’t even think about lying to me Steven Grant. I raised you better than that. You’ve been hauled up in your room for days, you’re not going to school, you avoid eye contact like you’ll catch the plague. What's, Wrong?” Her tone left no room for argument, and it kind of slapped Steve upside the head.

He let out a sigh and motioned to the kitchen table. He looked defeated and walked like it too. Sarah knew she was going to be there for awhile, thank God she called the hospital to give her the day off - Steve was “sick” after all. They sat down and Steve started his story, beginning with Saturday afternoon and ending with Sunday morning. He left out the  _ explicit _ details but Sarah got the gist. But what she couldn’t wrap her head around was the fact that Steve was preaching that James used him. When she saw him at the bottom of the stairs, he looked wounded. Like he’d been stabbed but didn’t want anyone to know. Sarah knew a broken heart when she saw one. She put in her interaction with James and the flames that licked Steve’s features was almost scary. Like James carried a poison that killed whoever he spoke to. She promptly told Steve to cut the shit, that James probably had his own version of events, thoughts and feelings. She then proceeded to lecture Steve on the importance of letting others say their side of the story, because then stupid shit like this doesn’t happen.

Steve just deflated against the table.

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do Ma. I love him, I really do and it’s scaring the shit outta me. Sorry for the swearing but please just let me this once,” Sarah’s face twisted like she wanted to argue against it, but then ceased her fight. “He was perfect, well, to me at least. Kind, charismatic, funny, really fucking smart but he was still guarded. Like I know that he’s got his issues but I didn’t care. As long as he was Bucky, I didn’t care. But, these last few weeks have been really tryin’. It’s like I never know what he’s thinkin’ or what he’s gonna do. It’s scaring me t’a death. It’s like, I can’t help him and when I try to, I either fuck up or he fucks up or something just goes wrong. It’s like something’s keepin’ us apart. I ain’t gotta fucking clue what’a do.”

There it was, the ugly truth in all its glory.

Sarah just sighed, “You’ve gotta talk to him, when you’re ready, obviously. I know nothing’s keeping you apart but each-other. You’re both being idiots and it’s pissing the whole’a Brooklyn off. I’ll give you two weeks off school, let you work up the courage to see him again because I’m not sending my baby into battle scared and without a battle plan. But that’s it, you got two weeks to be depressed and then you’re back to school. You owe it to him and yourself. You wanna help him, you’ll go back for him. Who knows, maybe the right thing will come out of it.”

“Thank you Ma, you’re the best,” Steve smiled weakly.

“It’s what I’m here for. I gave my ma hell when I was your age, I’m counting this as my karma. But honestly? I’d rather this than you gettin’ some poor lass pregnant,”

“You’re the worst,”

“I was the best five seconds ago!”

Steve just rose from his seat with a stooped expression, “Yeah, but then you made it bad,”

“Maybe I ought’a ground you for swearing,”

“Ma~”

“Okay, okay. Go watch rom-coms, I’ll make you some pizza rolls or something,” Sarah smirked kindly at him.

“Thank you,” Steve returned the smirk with his own soft smile. Sarah let out a private sigh of relief at Steve carrying an expression that wasn’t hollow.

Steve sauntered off to his room after that, tugging the duvet back over his shoulders. Sarah made a note to buy some ice cream along with the pizza rolls and left for the store. When she returned, she made his food and brought it up with the ice cream and a spoon. The way Steve’s face lit up reminded Sarah of when he was five, sitting on the floor with his toys and his father. Joseph sometimes fretted over Steve’s size, but after his difficult birth, he was just happy to have a breathing son. He loved Steve something fierce and that stood strong in him till the grave. Somethings just never change. 

Steve didn’t catch his mother’s nostalgic expression, he just switched on his TV and watched the first rom-com that was there, feasting happily on his pizza rolls and ice cream. He’d work this out.

**x.x.x.x**

It’s not like Bucky was expecting Steve to be there on Monday, but don’t say he didn’t hope. After Sunday's events, Bucky just wanted to explain to Steve what happened according to him but when Steve wasn’t there and some girl Bucky had never seen before was, he knew he’d have to wait. He didn’t hate the girl, he made conversation, paid close attention so she didn’t write him up and worked quickly. He found out her name was Wanda, she was new(-ish) and had been harbouring a serious crush on Natasha since they’d been introduced. Bucky told her he was gay as well and they shared a common ground. They had an understanding. 

What they didn’t have was firework chemistry. Him and Steve had been electric from the get-go, but with Wanda, it all seemed so… neutral. They both knew what they were here for and didn’t venture beyond the realms of their sole purpose. It bored the ever-loving fuck out of Bucky. She was nice enough but by the end of Monday, Bucky wanted to skip until Steve came back. Bucky wasn’t sure how he was going to survive however long this was. He’d try, for Steve’s sake, but sue him if he wasn’t bored to shit.

By Wednesday, Bucky was desperate for answers. He tracked down Sam and Tony, knowing they were close with Steve. Hell, the whole reason they even knew of each-other was Steve Rogers himself. They had to know something. Bucky found them in the line for the cafeteria, he said his hello’s but his face gave it all away. Sam gave Tony an elbow to let him know that they’d have to eat later than they’d like. Tony was not exactly enthusiastic. They followed him outside of the building, into the school’s alleyway where deliveries were brought to the cafeteria and other parts of the school. Bucky was the first to break the silence.

“Where’s Steve? Is he okay? He hasn’t been in for a few days and I know he’s got medical problems but I can’t help thinkin-” 

“Slow your ropes there, Loverboy. Steve’s fine,” Tony interrupted. “He’s just not feeling his best. Why? Did something happen?”

Bucky’s guilty face said it all and the anger scorched Tony’s veins.

“What the fuck did you do?”

“Nothing! Well, we slept together,” Bucky scratched the back of his neck in an unusual awkwardness. “But when I woke up, he was yellin’ ‘n’ screamin’ at me t’a get out. I still ain’t had’a chance t’a explain myself.”

“Oh for fucks sake, really?” Tony was more than done with their ‘it’s unrequited’ bullshit.

“You two really ain’t gotta a fucking clue,” Sam was just as done.

“What? What am I missing?”

“He’s in love with you dumbass!” They said in unison. Bucky redacted like he’d been struck against the cheek.

“The stupid shit must’a thought you didn’t mean it like, not casual sex. He’s fucking blind I swear. Sarah needs to get his sight checked.” Tony was just rubbing his temples, Steve was a stressful best friend when he felt like it. “Look, he’ll be back soon. I’ll ask Sarah, his mom, when he’ll be back because you wanna talk to him. She’ll be pushing his ass out the door in no time. I’ll give you a head’s up for when he’s back. Now, I’m super fucking hungry and I wanna eat. You coming Barnes?”

Bucky was gobsmacked, Tony’s words wielding a blunt and heavy force that sent Bucky’s brain sideways. But no matter how shocked he was, he needed food too. And some decent company. 

“Yeah… Sure…”

“Thank fucking God. Right, food time before I punch someone. I swear, one more gay idiot to fall in love but not believe it and I’m dropping out and moving to LA.” Tony was already walking away. Sam and Bucky just exchanged confused looks.

“What do you mean gay idiots falling in love?” Sam asked.

“Thor met this guy at this environmental protest and now he’s smitten. Natasha, despite having more balls than Bucky here, is scared to ask out the Sokovian girl. She came and sat with us at one point. Can’t remember her name for the life’a me though,”

“Wanda? Nat’s gotta thing for Wanda? Guys, she’s coverin’ for Steve, she’s really int’a Nat,” Bucky chimed in.

“Well that’ll either make things easier or harder,” 

“A fucking men,” Sam sighed.

The three of them continued to make chit-chat and remarks about their idiotic friends until they got their food and reached the table where eveyone usually sat. Bucky was suddenly overwhelmed; he’d never spoken to most of these people and  _ all _ of them had re-amped ideas of him. He doesn’t even get the comfort of making sure he can give a good first impression. 

“Okay guys, since Steve is absent, we brought his boyfriend as a replacement. Keep it in your pants people or Stevie’s gonna cut your dick off,” Tony announced. 

“What about those who don’t have dicks?” Pepper retaliated.

“Then your tits are gone! Hi Pep,” And Tony punctuated his hello with a kiss on his girlfriend’s cheek. She smiled and lightly blushed under the affection.

“We’re about that gender equality at this table,” Scott remarked.

“Well, it’d be really fucked up if we weren’t; considering,” Nat replied.

“Hello Bucky! It’s great to finally meet the man whose got our Steve so loved up! I’m Thor; that’s Natasha; you know Sam and Tony; that’s Pepper, Tony’s girlfriend; Scott; that’s Rhodey and the emo guy is my brother Loki. Please, come sit!” Thor smiled at Bucky, and Bucky was made redundant by Thor’s appearance and attitude. The guy was hot, but he was also sweet. Bucky’s options were looking suddenly very open.

“I hope I’m not ruining nothing,” Bucky deflected.

“Not at all! It’s always great to meet new people,”

“Like cute science guys who care about the planet?” Now it was Thor’s turn to blush. He turned his gaze down, like his food would become magically more interesting.

“Yes… But, he’s too good for me,” Now Bucky couldn’t stand for that…

“Bullshit! You’re hot as shit! He’d be lucky t’a go on’a date with a guy like you. ‘M sure you guys would be cute as fuck as well. Fuckin’ go for it Thor! ‘M sure he’s got the hots for ya too,” 

Everyone’s jaw was hanging in the wind, it was kind of effortless with how easy it was to interact with Steve’s friends. He could get to know them and maybe even befriend them; if Steve or they’d let him. His brain started to spiral, it’d been doing that a lot since Sunday but Thor’s surge of new confidence kept him out of the dark.

“You’re right! I’m going to ask him out right now!” Thor stood up quickly, shoving his hands in his pockets, searching for his phone. When he finally found it, he walked while dialing. It was a real fucking miracal that he didn’t bump into some poor fucker. The guy was easily 6’6, making even the tall guys feel tiny. Loki was tall, even while sitting he had a few inches on everyone at the table but Thor made him seem like the younger brother he was - standing inches above him too. Their parents must be able to tell the future by picking a name like Thor or Loki. Maybe they could.

“Looks like you’re sticking around Buckaroo. You’re way~ more handy than I thought you’d be. Now, what are you going to do about your own gay disaster?” Tony smirked.  _ That bastard. _

“Well, when he gets back, hopefully I can talk to the mothafucker before he decides to colour my cheeks. Plus, I’m not saying shit until  _ Natalia _ here plans how she’s gonna ask out  _ Wanda _ ,”

Nat turned red with a dark scowl. No one except Bucky knew her real name was Natalia and she’d like to keep it that way. Oh well, cat’s out the bag now.

“Why? She like me,  _ James.” _ Her words were knives. They teased and cut but never deep enough to kill. 

“Shutki v storonu? Nevazhno, Vanda deystvitel'no lyubit tebya. Vy dolzhny sprosit' yeye,” Bucky smirked at her, his mother tongue coming back like second nature. He’d grown up speaking Russian and English after all.

“V samom dele? Sproshu yeye pozzhe.” Natasha replied, slipping back into it just as easy.

Now everyone was confused. Tony was looking back and forth between them, like making his head move faster would help him understand that Bucky was bilingual. 

“What the fuck just happened?” Sam spoke for the whole table.

“My russian is a little rusty, it’s been awhile.” Bucky deflected, not answering the question because really, he hadn’t seen Nat in ages and wanted to speak some Russian.

“Yeah, no kidding.” Natasha bit right back, clearly enjoying herself. Things were slipping back to how they used to be between them.

The bell interrupted them before Tony could interrogate them, leaving him opening and shutting his mouth like a stunned fish. Bucky and Nat just smirked and said goodbye to each other in Russian again.

The rest of the day was spent with Bucky finishing his work at record speed so he could quiz Wanda about her crush on Natasha. The poor girl went bright red, stuttering at every question because Bucky Barnes didn’t believe in modesty. 

**x.x.x.x**

The rest of the week was better than the first day, but only got decent after Natasha made her moves. For that, Bucky was grateful because every morning since, Wanda came in with a blush on her cheeks and a soft smile on her face. Conversation got more interesting and Bucky started to like her. They still didn’t have much else to talk about other than relationships and the work but Bucky found that she spoke Russian as well as French, Sokovian and English. She proceeded to help Bucky with his accuracy and making sure what he was saying made sense. The shock on his mother’s face when he came through the door, greeting her in Russian was priceless. Now there was a strict Russian only rule in the house; this was mostly so Becca and Lilith could strengthen theirs and the Barnes children could put Russian on their CVs. 

On Tuesday, it was Bucky’s birthday. His family woke him up with confetti cannons and a special birthday breakfast, but he had to go to school before presents. They went all out this year, considering Bucky’s last was spent behind bars. Everyone made an effort and his Pa was making his favourite for dinner. 

When he got to school, Bucky asked Wanda is they could just mess around, do stupid shit and talk for the day - seeing as it was his birthday and to hell with doing work on your birthday. He’d pictured this day with Steve, Bucky walking and singing happy birthday to himself. Only for Steve to laugh, call him an idiot and wish him a happy birthday. Maybe, if Bucky was lucky, he could have pulled a birthday kiss out of the blonde; but seeing as Steve still wasn’t back, he’d have to lay those fantasies to rest. There wasn’t even the possibility of a next year because they’d both be at college, most likely different ones. Bucky had applied to loads of places and was waiting on his letters back. They could come tomorrow or next month, and Bucky was shitting his pants over it. But that was for another day, right now, he was freshly 19 and he wanted to celebrate. 

Wanda let him bunk the work for the day, opting for watching a movie on her laptop. She let Bucky pick and of course, naturally, he chose  _ sixteen candles _ . ‘Can’t believe this, they fucking forgot my birthday’ sixteen candles. It was only fitting. Wanda got a giggle out his choice of film, to which Bucky replied “What? 80’s films are classic ‘nd fuckin’ amazing. Now, quit ya giggling and play my movie!”. Wanda just laughed harder and pressed play. For the next hour and a half, they watched one of Bucky’s favourite films, on his birthday. Bucky wanted to see Steve, if he was honest. He wanted to cuddle up to his spitfire and watch it, throw popcorn in his mouth and make cheesy remarks towards him. But, that’s not happening and it never will happen because this is a one time thing. He’s never going to be in a behavioural program again and once this is over, if they don’t make up soon, Bucky will never see  _ Steve _ again. The thought keeps him awake.

A spur of the moment idea struck his brain. He’s gonna text Steve. His hands worked post-haste and became clumsy with the need to type. He clicked on ‘Cute guy from bp’ and started typing frantically.

_ To Cute guy from bp _

_ Hey just wanted to say I hope ur okay and that ur missing out on my bday fun. Wanda let me watch a movie but Im sure u’d come up with something awesome and probably illegal. I miss you. Hope u feel better soon. - tha bday boi ! _

Bucky hit send and tried to sit back and enjoy the movie, but he couldn’t help the way the radio silence from Steve’s end made him feel uneasy.

Lunch time was chaos, Tony, Sam and Nat had remembered his birthday and brought little gag gifts they knew he’d love and appreciate. Making jokes about how he was now the oldest student at school, to which Bucky replied with shoves and “Shuddup”. Wanda now sat with them, under Nat’s arm. They were disgustingly sweet, Wanda blushing and Nat kissing her at every opportunity. Bucky wished for something like that with Steve. They could have been together for this birthday if Steve had just fucking let him speak. The whole situation could be so much better if Steve wasn’t so stubborn, but that same stubbornness is what made Bucky fall in deep. That same stubbornness that made Bucky’s cheeks ache with heartfelt smiles and heart melt under those baby blues. The what if’s spinning ‘round his head almost made him forget he had friends wanting to spend his birthday with him. They all were asking if he was going to have a party to celebrate but Bucky came up with a response that conveyed the change in him. He wanted to have a night in with them all, including Steve. Order pizza, drink a little beer and watch movies. Something out of a coming age movie, a teenage dream. Something that wouldn’t end up with him in juvie and a slap round the face. He’d learnt from his mistakes.

When Bucky got home that night, he was bombarded with hugs and happy birthdays in both Russian and English. His mom put her hands over his eyes and led him to the living room where present after present were sitting. His jaw dropped to his chin and closed into a wet smile. He didn’t trust his voice so he just brought them all in for a group hug. His mom whispered in his ear “You deserve it milaya,  S Dnem Rozhdeniya.” Bucky just smiled at her and kissed her cheek. She smiled right back at him. He then made an effort to kiss every single person in his family a cheek kiss, Emily and his dad protesting the most, saying “You may be gay but this is just wrong!” to which everyone died laughing. His mother started hurrying Bucky to open his presents because there was food to make and she’d be damned if they burnt it because his father was dicking about. He got loads of funny gifts but the one that had him bouncing off the walls was the acoustic guitar his sisters got him. Bucky had had lessons when he was younger but gave it up for Zemo. Now, he was free to get back into it. Maybe even surprise Steve with it. He shook those thoughts away, not wanting to dampen the mood.

After food, everyone fell into the living room again to watch Bucky’s choice of movie - he chose  _ Back To The Future _ , because it’s a great movie and he loves watching Em get mad over Marty saying he was playing in B major when he was actually playing in Bb major. After the film, everyone except Emily and Bucky went to bed. She turned to him with a cheshire cat smile and pulled out a neatly rolled joint.

“Wanna get stoned? Consider it’a birthday present.”

“Fuck yeah,”

Bucky got some very good sleep that night.

**x.x.x.x**

The two weeks without Steve passed way too slowly and way too quickly. Every moment made Bucky think of him and he was still bored out of his mind but he’d also made decent friends with Steve’s friends. So, when Bucky walked in on Monday to Steve sitting where Wanda had been for the last two weeks, Bucky thought he was dreaming. Two weeks of radio silence and there he was, absent-mindedly drawing in the margin of his notebook. Bucky had bought him the pencils he was using for Christmas last year. He took a deep breath and prepared for the worst. 

Anything could happen.

“Hey, long time no see stranger…” 

“Yeah, well if you can call two weeks a long time,” Steve replied in a flat tone. He didn’t want to be here, especially with Bucky acting like he was ready to run at any given moment.

“Wanna get to work? Gives me’a chance to show off what’ve learnt,” He was trying, he really was and Steve couldn’t discredit his efforts. They were fucking adorable. Steve could do the monkey dance too.

“Go on then, impress a boy,” Steve flirted with his teeth purposely caught on his lip.

Bucky didn’t go red often, but this was one of the rare occasions. This sudden flip of personalities left both feeling a little lost and flustered. Steve knew he wouldn’t be able to keep it up without getting either passive aggressive or sarcastic and Bucky knew he wouldn’t be able to not flirt back and gain back his confidence before breaking in front of Steve. They shared a knowing smile and deflated, like the exchange had gone to their chests and now it was gone. Bucky took his seat next to Steve with a smirk and pulled out his notes. He proceeded to catch Steve up on what he’d been taught and asked plenty of questions about upcoming topics. What he wasn’t expecting was that he’d learnt almost everything and by next week, they could start prepping for Bucky’s final exams. Steve looked over the notes, adding small details and drawing smiley faces next to the  _ really _ good bits. He knew Bucky would get into any college he wanted, it was just whether or not they looked past his GPA which was limited from the start. Hopefully, if he did exceptionally, they’d raise the bar. Both could only hope. 

“Hey, Buck?” Bucky raised his head and turned towards Steve, offering his full attention. “Just wanna say… Good job. On everything. You’ve done really well and if you’re looking for somewhere like MIT or Stanford, I’m sure you’re gonna get in. Just, well done.”

Bucky held back the tears, well, tried to. Maybe one or two reached his eyes but none ever fell. He just offered a smile and a soft, “Thank you Stevie,” and they both looked back at their notebooks and continued with the lesson. Bucky was still hoping to talk to Steve about what had happened between them a couple weeks ago but it seemed that Steve was happy to live in the now, but Bucky could see the guilty desperation to apologise.

“Look, we gotta talk about what ‘appened at some point and I know this ain’t really the place to do it. So, I were thinkin’ that after school, maybe you’d like to go somewhere and just, talk shit out. Because, I got a lot to say to you and I know you wanna say things to me so, I’ll pick ya up at 6 and we’ll go from there?” Bucky chewed on his lip in anticipation.

“That sounds… real good actually. We do need to sort this out. Plus I’ll be able t’a give you ya birthday present,”

“Steve- you didn’t-”

“No, I promised you ages ago that we’d spend your birthday together. I missed it, that’s my fault. I should’a made more of an effort but, well, here we are. Plus, you deserve it, Bucks.” Steve just smiled at him, but he looked glassy eyed himself. Like, the whole exchange between them carried too much emotion for his heart to bare. It probably did. 

“I’ll be honest, all I wanted was’a drawing. Y’know I love your art, I wan’ed some that I could pin on my wall. Tha’s all.”

Steve just laughed. “Good thing that’s what your gettin’ then,”

The smiles were flat out refusing to leave their faces and maybe, just maybe, both knew somewhere that they’d be alright. That Sarah was right, they weren’t fighting against anything but each other and now, they had laid down their weapons, ready to compromise. Maybe this was the day when the dust finally settled, the cosmic green light, their chance to finally get things right. They’d just have to try.

They spent the rest of the time they had catching up and learning new material; discussing strategies that Bucky could use for revising. When the lunch bell sounded, Bucky panicked. He’d been sitting with Steve’s friends for the last two weeks, making friends with basically all of them and loved hanging out with them. But they were  _ Steve’s  _ friends, his first and first come, first serve. Maybe Steve used that time to recharge before he saw Bucky again, things were slightly awkward as they were already, he can’t imagine the kind of teasing they’d enjure if they both sat at the table. Bucky decided to let Steve have his friends back, Bucky had had his fill and met new people but now it was time for things to return to normal. It was back to the apple tree with his books and cigarettes. Him and Steve packed up their stuff and headed for the door, they went their separate ways, like they always did. Bucky didn’t tell Steve about the fact that he’d become semi-close with all his friends. Maybe they’d tell him for him.

When Steve reached the cafeteria, his friends spotted him before he did. They cheered and clapped and just embarrassed the shit out of him. When he reached the table, they all stood up for a group hug, having missed Steve a whole fucking lot. He was one of them, they loved him and he loved them all in return. Even Loki. Steve had brought his own food, much due to his mother’s insistence that he wasn’t going to eat shitty food on his first day back. He was grateful for that. 

“So! You’ve decided to grace us with your presence, finally,” Tony jabbed

“You know I can never stay away from your annoying ass for too long,” Steve just smiled sarcastically in reply.

“Where’s Barnes?” Thor was looking around for him, like he was just running late or was in the bathroom and would be right back.

“What do you mean where’s Bucky? He never sits with us.”

Everyone exchanged similar looks, like they knew something Steve didn’t and it scared the shit out of him. Had Bucky been sitting with them? Everytime he offered it, he always declined. What was the special occasion?

“While you’ve been gone, Bucky has been sitting with us. It was mostly Tony’s doing, seeing as he dragged the poor man over to our table, but we’ve all grown to really like him. We hope you don’t mind,” Pepper cleared the air. Bucky had made friends with his?

“No… no! Of course I don’t mind! Just, didn’t seem like him. He usually says no to that sorta thing.” Steve was now confused as to why Bucky wasn’t here. If he had made himself comfortable around his friends, that was great! Was... was it Steve’s fault?

“Well, this has sufficiently killed the mood. Anyway, Steve, you sorted shit out with Barnes yet? He seemed sad whenever we brought you up,” Rhodey cut in. 

“Kinda? We’re gonna talk it out after school,”

A chorus of “oo”s flooded the atmosphere. Now it was Steve’s turn to groan.

“I don’t know what’s gonna happen! Nothing could happen and we could just stay friends. I really fucking hope that doesn’t happen, thinking back, dick was great.” That last comment had Tony wheezing against the table.

“You son of a bitch, you actually got laid,” Natasha was damn surprised. “What happened to our blushing virgin?”

“He got a good dicking down.” 

“Well then, a toast to our favourite blonde dumbass finally getting some dick!” Sam raised his bottle. Everyone raised their water bottles with him and cheered; clinking them together and laughing at the stupidity of it all. Steve had missed this, his dumbass friends and the equally dumbass stuff they did. Maybe it was a good thing that Bucky wasn’t here  _ today _ , because Steve is sure as hell wouldn’t have said half the things he did for fear of being rejected. He didn’t want to think about Bucky laughing in his face at Steve being in love with him. He’d let those nerves and worries eat away at him later. Right now, his best friends are dicking around and being everything he’s learned to love in the last five years.

The end of the day came sooner than either Steve or Bucky anticipated, the reality that they’re going to have to talk about their feelings and what happened between them smacking them in the face. Their goodbyes were scared and awkward, leaving both feeling uneasy about the night ahead of them. Well, only time will tell and boy, did it have something to say.

**x.x.x.x**

When Steve got home, he raced up to his room. His ma wasn’t home, still working her shift at the hospital and wouldn’t be home until at least 5pm. He had the privacy to run around and freak out over the potential ending of just being friends with Bucky. The painting. He needed to grab that. It was a medium size canvas, oil painting of the sunset they watched the first time they hung out outside of school. It was November and Steve had forgotten to bring a heavy enough coat for the New York November cold. Bucky had kindly given Steve his hoodie and Steve had yet to give it back. Bucky had never asked for it back, maybe he forgot? Either way, it was the first time Steve recognised his feelings were real and ever-present. The first time Steve thought he might be falling for Bucky. They’d talked for fucking hours about anything and everything. They just, clicked. Worked like a well oiled machine. Steve had painted it on a whim after Christmas with his new oil paints but then remembered that Bucky’s birthday was in March and decided that it’d be the perfect present. He’d have to find out.

Steve was wearing a plain shirt, bomber jacket and blue jeans. He could make it better but his closet didn’t carry much that had new fashion flair. He was a simple dresser, not caring much for what was in and what was new, he wore what was comfortable, not eye-catching. Now he was regretting not taking a closer eye to the beautiful. He changed his shirt to a plain white one and put Bucky’s hoodie over it. He’d take his Ma’s advice, he’d try. He was going to try to tell Bucky how he felt, take the bravery he had in back alley fights and use it while staring at the most handsome and perfect man he’d ever met. He was going to try. He just needed to waste away two hours now.

Bucky was pacing his room, trying to think of an outfit that he’d look killer in. It wasn’t a date but fuck it, Bucky was going to treat it as such. No harm in looking your best while confessing your feelings to the guy you’ve been in love with since Christmas. He picked out his favourite leather jacket, black ripped jeans, a black zip up hoodie, a white t-shirt and some worn-in Doc Martins. He added belt chains that he’d been wearing since he was 13 but everyone was now wearing, put on his chunkiest rings and put a small ring through his right ear’s cartilage piercing. He was so concentrated on his appearance, he didn’t see Becca walk in. 

“Why are you decked out enough to put Hot Topic to shame?”

“Fuck off,” Bucky grumbled. “I’m meeting Steve later,”

“Oh~ So you’re looking to look like sex so he’ll want to fuck you. Ah, makes sense now,” Becca nodded.

“Get out my room Becks, before I lick you,”

“Come near me and you’re getting Victoria Secret to the eyes,”

“Is that the new pepper spray?”

“I’m expensive,”

“No shit.”

“Anyway, just came to say food is on the table. Come get your food, bitch.” And with that, Becca left his room.

“I’ll be down in a sec!” Bucky shouted more to his parents than his sister’s. He checked over his appearance one last time and made his way downstairs. There was still one problem, Bucky didn’t have a car. He wasn’t going to get the bus and he did say he’d pick Steve up. He’d have to ask his dad if he could borrow his car. He’s never gotten into a car accident so the trust should be there. Plus, he’s been doing really good at getting better, you could see the improvement a mile away. His Pa  _ should  _ lend him his car. 

It was a beautiful black 1965 275-GTB ferrari, two-door with a soft top. His father loved that car with his whole being and Bucky did too. He’d probably kill himself rather than wreck that car. He was sure as hell his dad would hang himself against the fireplace if he even got a scratch on it as well, but he regularly took him and Becca on car rides down the coast in it as well; so it wasn’t like it was just a show car. You were allowed to drive it, but with care or fear the wrath of George Barnes. No harm in trying, Bucky guessed. 

Bucky toed down the stairs and made his way to the dining room. He had money, doing bits and pieces at his dad’s building site earned him a small share of cash; handy for days like today. He was gonna treat Steve, plus it was better to talk things over with food in front of you. Dinner wasn’t necessary. He walked to the table and tried to swallow his nerves before asking his question.

“Sit, food’s on the table,” His ma prompted.

“’M good, Spasibo tebe, Ma. ‘M meeting up with Steve, we’re gonna grab something while we’re out. Pa, was wonderin’ if perhaps, maybe I could take ya car…?” Bucky’s face was a mixture of grimacing and smiling, like he was trying to soften his words with his face.

“I don’ know… you gonna take proper care of her?”

“Of course.”

George thought over it for a second, a million scenarios flashing over his eyes. Bucky was starting to think maybe he’d  _ have _ to take his Ma’s one instead. But luckily, someone above really wanted tonight to go right for him.

“...Okay. But! You gotta be home by 10. No arguments, it’s’a school night and I don’ want no one trashing my pride and joy.” 

Bucky physically deflated with relief. 

“Thank you Pa,” Bucky smiled. “I’ll be home by 10, pinky promise.” 

Bucky looked to the dining room clock, gasping when he saw he only had 10 minutes to get to Steve’s.

“Shit, I gotta run but I love all of you, and who knows. Maybe I’ll come home a taken guy…”

All three of Bucky’s sisters gasped and perked up, clearly excited. 

“You’re finally doing it!”

“Who is he!”

“Promise you’ll let us meet him?”

Bucky just smiled at them. 

“Yeah, course. ‘M sure Steve would love t’a meet all’a’ya. I really gotta run but I’ll see youse later. Okay, bye!” And with that, Bucky turned on his heels and swiftly left the room.

“Hey, catch!”

Bucky turned quickly and taught something silver in his palms. It was the car keys,  _ duh. _

“Have fun tonight” His Pa held a soft smile, wishing him luck through his lips.

“Thanks!” Bucky made a beeline to the black beauty in the garage, eager to start her up before he was late; dying to make a decent impression.

He climbed into the car and took a second, ghosting his palms over the wheel. She had her roof down, giving you easy access to the New York sunset. White leather gleamed proudly against the black shine of the outside body. She really was a beauty to behold. Bucky hooked up his phone through the aux cord sitting in the cup holder and started the engine, taking a second to listen to her roaring purr. God, he loved this car. His phone said he had five minutes so with a quick panic, Bucky opened the garage door and set out on his drive to Steve’s. He got there dead on six, thank the Lord, and approached Steve’s house. Nerves eating his bottom lip and twitching his fingers, begging for something to fiddle with to take his mind off the urge to run. It took all his courage to even knock on the fucking door. Why was he so nervous? It was just Steve. Yet again, this was the night where everything could change, for better or for worse. Both could only hope.

Steve heard the knock at the door, checked the time on his phone and he knew who was there. Quickly yelling to his mom that he had the door, Steve just about ripped it open. Steve’s breath had never left his lungs so quickly. Because there, in all his  _ gorgeous _ glory was Bucky. Standing more on one foot than the other, hand perched on the door frame, waiting for Steve. He looked like hell on wheels.  _ Jesus wept, how does he look this good? _ Steve was a hundred percent sure he was blushing with the way his face felt like fire. Suddenly feeling very underdressed. Where was Bucky taking him? A rock show?

“Hey, you look, great,” He was blushing.  _ He _ was blushing. Steve couldn’t believe it.

“H-Hey. You look, well, fucking, amazing.”

“Thanks, you hungry?”

“I haven’t eaten yet so yeah. Where you thinkin’?”

Bucky’s famous smirk graced his face. “I know’a cute 50s style diner you’ll love. Ya up for it?”

“Good ol’ fashioned American burger with fries? Y’know me so well Buck,”

“Alright, let’s go.” Bucky was the first to step off the porch step, leading the way to a well cared for American muscle. Steve knew Bucky didn’t have a car, and was expecting to drive while Bucky gave directions. He most certainly wasn’t expecting  _ this _ .

“Uh, Buck. You don’t have a car. What’s this?”

“My pa’s. C’mon,” Steve looked anxious, like he didn’t trust Bucky behind a wheel. “I can drive just fine pal. C’mon, hop in.”

It wasn’t that, it was that he’d never seen a car so beautiful and didn’t want to soil it with his presence. He knew Bucky had money, just not  _ this _ . His dad had good taste and he could understand why he’s never seen Bucky with or around it. He probably had to beg just to pull it out the driveway. Yet, he wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to sit in one of these. His own father would be proud of him for picking a guy with such good taste. Steve only knew how to fix a car because of his dad; Joseph had been obsessed with them. Always showing Steve what he considered the best and timeless models. He wanted to make his dad proud and Steve knew his dad was fucking beaming in excitement for him. He smiled at the thought.

On the way to the diner, Steve manned the music. Telling Bucky to keep his eyes on the road so he wouldn’t have to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge because he’d crashed his dad’s favourite car. He scrolled through Bucky’s spotify playlists to see what he had. Turns out, Bucky was quite the emo, just listening to it in secret. The look on his face when Steve decided to blast  _ House of Wolves by My Chemical Romance _ through the car’s sound system. He went bright red in exposed embarrassment, trying to play it off as his sister playing a joke on him. Steve brought that lie to its knees when he said, “Then why‘s it in multiple playlists? Includin’ one with other emo bands and songs? Ain’t nothing to be ashamed of Buck. Plus, you kinda look the part anyway.” Bucky just continued his blushing spree, the colour inching down his neck and across his ears. Steve just laughed and pressed play on the next song which was by Asking Alexandria. In the corner of his eye, he could see Bucky mouthing along to the song; so Steve decided to belt the lyrics. Both will swear up and down, Bucky almost crashed the car. Luckily, they didn’t and Bucky just started singing along with Steve, relaxing and enjoying himself. 

Once they reached it, Bucky got out first, jogging round to Steve’s side and opening the door for him. They walked in and were instantly hit in the face with the aesthetics. Random objects and decor that was declared patriotic by someone lined the walls, red leather booths sat against the side of the establishment, along with a coffee bar. It really was what it said on the tin. Bucky held his hand out for Steve to guide them to his choice of table, and Steve (feeling ballsy) took his hand and pulled them to the back. More room for privacy, apparently. 

A slender, blonde waitress in a yellow outfit attended their table, taking their orders and winking at Bucky before walking off. Steve couldn’t help the jealousy uncoiling in his stomach but the memory of Bucky telling him he was gay settled the possessive feelings in his chest. Bucky caught sight of it, putting his hand over Steve’s in gentle reassurance. He offered a soft smile and a, “Not my type. Plus, this is about you ‘nd me. Not some girl hitting on the gayest guy in Brooklyn,”. It calmed Steve’s mind more than he’d liked to admit, butterflies flying around his stomach at the thought of him and Bucky. Things were looking more and more mutual as the evening rolled on. 

They fell into conversation easily, talking about meaningless things to pass the time. Neither were quite ready to talk about the current elephant in the room but that was okay. For now. When their food arrived, hidden feelings and confessions hanging on both of their tongues thickened the air and made it awkward. Avoiding talking by eating, both knew this couldn’t last forever. Someone needed to come clean. 

“I didn’t use you. That night. I wan’ed to ask you something but you kinda… y’know. It meant something to me,” Bucky nearly mumbled. Not wanting to be too loud, but not wanting to risk Steve missing anything.

“Really?” Steve’s eyes widened with Bucky’s truth.

“Yeah. Meant a lot to me.  _ You _ mean a lot to me.” Bucky’s eyes darted to avoid Steve’s - which were the size of saucers right now. He’d been so wrong, wasted so much time over nothing. Over a misunderstanding and his perpetulent stubbornness. God, he’d been so fucking stupid.

“It meant a lot to me too, you as well,” Both boys looked down with bashful blushes coating their cheeks. They made quite the picture. Bucky perked up visibly with an idea. Steve tilted his head as a prompt for him to spill whatever had just come to mind.

“Let’s just enjoy our burgers. I got something t’a tell ya, but I ain’t doing it here. Ain’t the right kinda mood. I wanna make it special,” That peaked Steve’s interest.

“Course, anything important? You gonna tell me you’re actually a serial killer and murder me in a park?”

Bucky scoffed, “Yeah, course. Already told ya Ma, she said good riddance,” 

Steve just kicked his leg from under the table and laughed, falling into the silly banter he’d always had with Bucky. Maybe that’s what got him? Bucky’s easy, larger-than-life personality and ability to make Steve feel at ease; no matter what. He knew things were gonna be tense and awkward tonight. It was a given, but here they were, laughing over Bucky getting milkshake on his nose and Steve choking on a french fry. It was like nothing had happened at all, like they were still just two boys falling head over heels for each other. Nothing had happened, nothing getting in the way or keeping them apart. Just them, being them. They finished their food quick, both eager for what Bucky had to say. Bucky’s hands were twitching again.

“Careful there. If you’re not careful, you’ll scratch a hole right through ya jeans and then what? Your ma’s not gonna be happy.”

“Good thing these ain’t my Sunday best,”

It was just them.

They jumped in George’s car again but Bucky didn’t give Steve any indication as to where the hell he was taking them, but he had an iron grip on the wheel and had started a cold sweat. Whatever he had on his mind, it was earth-shattering and Steve didn’t know if he wanted to hear it. The drive was short and scenic, the soft top roof pulled back and the early spring stars above them, it was nearing 8 o’clock by the time they reached a small kids park. It was cute. Encased in trees, bushes and other plant life; the kid’s park was small, only containing a couple swings, a slide and monkey bars; there was an open grass area (also small) for dog-walkers and picnics. It was adorable, not to say kind of romantic. Steve started to put two and two together. This was mutual.  _ Holy shit,  _ this isn’t unrequited. Steve was buzzing where he was standing.

“Let’s sit on the swings,”

“‘Kay,”

Bucky took Steve’s hand in his and Steve couldn’t tame the smile that split his features. He had to be dreaming. Either that or Bucky was a sadist who really liked crushing people’s dreams in the most romantic places possible. The only time their hands parted ways was to sit in their respective swing seats. Bucky took a deep breath and shakily exhaled. He began to speak.

“I’m sorry, for everything. I’m sorry that ever since you’ve met me, I’ve sent you through an emotional roller coaster that you never deserved to ride in the first place. I hope you can forgive me for everything I’ve done: For not being normal, for not knowing what I should do and I shouldn’t. It’s not fair to you to try and fix me. I know you said that we’ll always find a way to fix it but fuck, what if I’m not worth all this Steve? Because at this point, I’m causing more trouble than I’m worth and I’m so sorry. I hope you can forgive me and I hope you understand that... I love you. I love you so… much. 

“It was your eyes that got me first. That pale yet electric blue that made me want to go to the beach. Then it was your smile, your dazzling white teeth and full lips that curved perfectly. You constantly talk bad about you being smaller but have you ever considered that I love it? I wanna hold you and rest my head on top of yours. I wanna hold your hand under the evening sun and I wanna wake up with you in my arms. I wanna try with you Stevie, I always have. But you gotta forgive me first or I’ll never myself,” He ended his speech with a voice crack, the weight of it crushing his confidence. The charm and magnetism was replaced with a vulnerability and a shyness that Steve had only ever a few times seen Bucky wear before. 

It all made so much sense, and now Steve’s own confession came barrelling.

“Are you kidding Buck? Of course I forgive you. I did a long time ago, I’m just… ridiculously stubborn sometimes. And God, I love you too.” Tears started to pool in his eyes. “I think I always have, even when I didn’t want to. Even when I wanted to hate you, I could never hate you Bucky. You said I talk down about myself but when I see you beating yourself up or withdrawing because you think you’re gonna fuck things up… fuck, it breaks my heart because I know you’re so much better than that. 

“You’re magnetic as all hell, got this charm that puts the smoothest people to fuckin’ shame. God, you’re so funny too. You make me laugh so much and… I feel so… safe, around you. You feel like home Buck. I love you James Buchanan Barnes, I love you so much,” 

Bucky jumped up from his place beside Steve and went for it. He kissed him, hard yet soft, desperate yet relieved, a silent  _ thank fuck he feels the same _ . Steve kissed right back, his own fireworks going off in his head as he finally feels complete. They’d both been fighting this for so long and what was the point? They loved each other and both were to blind to see it since November. Well, better late than never. They pulled away, slightly out of breath, with stupid love sick smiles on their faces. They didn’t need to talk, just let themselves be blanketed by the moment. Reeling in the shared madness of it all. Breathing in each other like they’d been suffocating. They stayed like that for awhile, just coming to terms with the fact they did it. They actually confessed their feelings to each other, after all this fucking time, they finally got there.

Steve was the first to pull out of the moment and offered Bucky an elated smile. He tackled him to the floor, laughing and screaming; limitless. Bucky had to take a second to process the fact that he was on top of him, smiling and laughing like the world had just fixed itself. Like there was nothing that could stop him from feeling so high. He became obsessed with it. His giggles and squeaks became Bucky’s favourite song. He could have this all the time now, he could have this. It took his breath away.

Steve’s phone went off, his Ma calling to ask where he was and when he was coming home. Bucky looked at the time, 9:30pm, they should probably head home. Bucky stole Steve’s phone and told Sarah that he’d have Steve home right away. Sarah just chuckled at him, waving them off with a “get him home whenever, kissing James Barnes does not happen everyday,”. He returned the chuckle, shrinking under his first name. “Call me Bucky, Mrs. Rogers and trust me, Stevie here’s gonna get more kisses,” and bent down to shut Steve’s protests up with said kisses. There was a laugh down the other end and then the line went dead. Steve got his phone back. 

“Time t’a take ya home sweetheart,” Bucky swung his arm over Steve’s shoulders, leaning on him a bit.

“Oh thank you! Thought you was gonna kidnap me,”

“Nah, where would I put ya?” He stole another kiss from Steve.

“I dunno, your bed sounds pretty good though…”

“You’re a fuckin’ menace,”

The drive back to Steve’s was the same as it was the way there, except Steve was the one blushing up a storm and Bucky didn’t give less of a shit about what they were singing along to. When they pulled up to Steve’s, Steve pulled Bucky out of the car and towards the door. Steve fished out his keys and opened the door. He didn’t see his Ma raise her head at the door, watching the two boys flirt against the frame of it. Both smirked at each other and leaned forward, they still hadn’t discussed what they were, but that didn’t matter right now. They had each other at last, that was all they needed. Sweet kisses turned into more passionate ones, both leaning into it more, Bucky’s hands circling around Steve’s waist and Steve’s arms snaking around Bucky’s neck. They broke apart to a fake cough. Sarah was standing in the hallway, watching them go at it and both Bucky and Steve had never retracted so fast in their lives.

“So, it’s taken you two that long to work stuff out? James, your mother would be ashamed. she caught your dad quick enough,” Sarah teased, loving how the two boys went bright fucking red. “Right, Steve, Bucky, I do believe you two have got school tomorrow and I’m not dealing with you on no sleep Steve. It was lovely to see you Bucky, come round for dinner so I can get to know Steve’s boyfriend better! Goodnight!”

He could hear Steve’s embarrassed protesting from outside the front door. Bucky turned on the spot, grinning affectionately. He lit a cigarette and walked back towards the car. He couldn’t help the ever-lasting smile on his face, this was probably the best day of his life and Steve just had that effect on him. He couldn’t get that guy off his mind to save his life, not that Bucky was complaining. 

Tomorrow was looking up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DID IT, YOU GUYS CAN PUT DOWN YOUR PITCHFORKS NOW ! okay so what Bucky said was “seriously? Nevermind, wanda really likes you. You should ask her out” and Nat replied with “really? I’ll ask her later.” !! i wanted them to speak russian bc i’m self-indulgent :). Milaya = honey and S Dnem Rozhdeniya = happy birthday. sarah is the G.O.A.T btw and i love her. Next chapter is cute and the last before the epilogue ! that’ll be out in a few days =))


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